Holy Spirit, Gift of God

Beginning of this

2010-05-18T23:00:00.002+01:00

Over the last couple of years, I've let my creative spirit in me become squashed and abandoned.

I used to write poems and songs, I used to blog constantly. I still have all my poems and songs in my bedroom back in Horsham and I plan to carry them around me wherever I go throughout my life. They're a reminder of where I've been, what I've learnt, who I loved, who I was.

Sometimes I think they mean more than pictures ever could. A photograph can be taken in a second, whereas a song takes time, commitment, deep thought and passion. Songs can paint better pictures than any photograph can. The intricate detail put into it, the heart, soul and passion spilt out on to that piece of paper. As soon as you start writing, that song is yours.

The most prodigious quality about heart-filled songs, is how they can match the feelings in someone else's soul. How they can make someone else fall to tears, or get that deep breathe in their chest of delight.

I've abandoned all of this. Dare I say it, became materialistic.

As I look at it, and God shows me the pureness of all this creativity that he's given me a passion for, I'm smiling but am so scared. I'm scared of failing, but what do I intend to become? I don't want to become famous. I want to use my talents for his glory. I want to use it to draw close to him just like I did back then.

As I close my eyes, and listen to the gentle plucking of guitar strings, I see it all. It's too much for me to know how to interpret. So I can only try throughout my life in music and lyrics.

Here I come, a fragile starter trying to reach her full potential.

You changed my life

2010-05-09T18:46:00.004+01:00

The stars spread across the sky

on the coldest of all nights.

I'm lying with my back on the cold grass

staring, watching the beautiful sights.

Glimpses of hope as I see shooting stars

my eyes widen, waiting desperately.

Twinkling and shining, all to be seen

She'll be waiting for you, thats me.

So peaceful, clear and silent

slowly turning into lonely.

Wanting to share with you

this delicate symphony.

I hear grass crushed under

you're coming closer.

I stop focusing on the stars

my heart beats faster.

You wrap your arms round me

suddenly I'm safe.

Never lonely, always smiling

forever, this place.

The wind blows, our eyes meet

this is the start of something perfect.

Suddenly so close, never apart

my hand in yours, the perfect fit.

I want you and need you

forever and always.

Our souls living as one

our hearts to never betray.

It's okay to be silly

2010-04-03T23:26:00.001+01:00

Your past has made you who you are today.

Whether the past was good or bad, it's made you.

A loner, a thief, poor, generous, friendly, scared, helpful, critical, passionate, decisive, a leader, a mother, delicate, boring, sincere. Your past has made you.

I think it's right for us to sometimes self assess ourselves. Think about the kind of person we are. And try to figure out what may have made us like this. This means going back in the past. Having a good route-around. And this can hurt. Memories can be painful or embarrassing. Looking back can change us, and once again, make us to be somebody.

We need to self assess our personalities, our priorities, our wants, the desires of our heart. Why do we have these priorities and desires? Are they from insecurity within us to want to be someone better? Or someone different?

We should be able to feel proud of ourself. If you don't feel proud of yourself for being able to look back and stopping and thinking about your desires or priorities, you should do. Feel proud that you have been able to take the time and been able to reflect upon yourself. We don't do it enough as a human race.

We're delicate. We need relationship, love, compassion, friends to sustain us. We have an expectation of what our friends and people around us should be like. But how do we match up to that expectation? Is it a one-way thing? In my experience one-way relationships never work.

A lot has changed in my life recently. I've gained old friends back, lost friends, made new ones. I've grown lasting friendships with people I never could've imagined. Old and young, male and female. Friends.

I'm truly happy as well. I can feel my heart smiling. It's amazing. Subconsciously, I knew my heart could smile, but now, it's been brought to my conscious.

This pure happiness has brought out one important thing in my personality...sillyness.

It's okay to be silly. It's good for the soul. To laugh. To smile. To dance and sing. To play jokes. I'd rather have smile wrinkles than frown wrinkles when I'm older...so that's what I'm aiming for.

Whenever I look back, I can always see at least one set of footprints.

In God's Hands

2010-01-07T00:15:00.001Z

I've had a lot to think about this past month.

And not much of it has been easy.

I've done stupid things, said stupid things, acting in stupid ways.

And as a result of my actions, I've hurt and upset people. Disappointed people.

I wish I could have not caused those emotions and heart break. I prayed desperately for other ways.

I've been immature, selfish and fragile. How do you handle yourself when like that?

Coming to the King is the only answer that has worked for me.

I know how God see's me, what he calls me and how he see's my heart. I know I'm precious to him and am worth all the trouble.

I guess it would be a lot easier if I felt other people felt the same. But then we're not called to be people who are like-able. We're called to be like Jesus. And I'm desperate for that.

So one of the first things I need to do is to ask for your forgiveness.

The next first thing...

I go have a chat with God.

Jesus' Blood Never Fails Me

2009-11-09T22:17:00.001Z

I feel delicate.

I've been worrying a lot about money - it seems I actually can't afford to be at university...even with the Student Loans Company.

I've been getting worked up over not being involved in a church or feeling very part of a church.

I've been missing my family lots - even though I'm gonna see them in 12 days.

I've just been soaking. God gave me a picture.

I was wondering around trying to make a movie, where I'm one of the characters, but I'm making the movie myself. There'd be a scene where I had to prop the camera up because I fall down, then I have to cut out certain bits like me walking away from the camera and getting in position.

And God just said...you have me to help you with your dreams. I'm your film crew. I'm your director, your camera man, your sound man, your makeup artist. Just come to me and I will guide you.

He is so good.

God you are so good to me. You put peace in my heart, yet you put the loudest joy in my heart also! I just want a deeper relationship with you. You've stolen my heart, captured it, it's all yours.

Gracious Words

2009-11-02T16:55:00.000Z

I realised something today...

Throughout the year before University, I prayed like mad for a Christian friend, and for me to have some girl-friends, because I don't have many girl-friends.

I live with 8 girls and 2 guys. How cool is that?! God totally has blessed me, I've been here for 6 weeks and I've only just realised!!! How open aren't my eyes!!!

So...maybe try opening your eyes up a bit.

I read Proverbs 16:24 this morning about the power of encouragement. It's amazing how we're designed so that when we're complimented/encouraged we feel a bit more confident or happy. And I guess the bible has hit it on the head again (as it normally does) by saying

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.

And it's not exactly hard for us to speak words of encouragment to someone each day is it? On average, a woman speaks 20,000 words a day, and men speak 7, 000. So it can't be difficult for 10 of those words to be a sentence of encouragement can it!?

Think about the biggest compliment you've ever been given...Mine would've have to be one of my friends saying that I was beautiful. 3 words...simple!

Try and give someone the biggest compliment/words of encouragement they will ever have been given.

Lemme know yours :)

God is good.

Freedom.

You girls are amazing.

What a lonely moment

2009-10-28T20:49:00.002Z

Well this is a low point.

Tonight is the Halloween night for the students night out, so I'm not going.

Also adding to the reason why I shouldn't go is the fact that I have no money because it's being saved for the wedding.

I really just want to go to someones house, a friends house, hang out, watch tv. Be in a house. I'm confind to this little room with nothing more to entertain me than a laptop, music and a guitar. I know that seems enough to entertain someone...but it's company I want.

I want to see my friends. I want to hang out with people. I want to have a chat with someone.

But, I've started properly learning guitar. I've learn E Minor. Fingers hurt a little, but it's all good. I'll keep you updated. Whoever you are.

It would be nice to know if anyone reads this. Maybe leave a comment?

I'm just gonna spend time with God.

Over and out.

Journey Log 1 - The World is NOT enough for me.

2009-10-27T20:35:00.002Z

So this year is the journey to my marriage. I've just started university also, but will keep trying to share my story of, in a year; beginning uni, leaving home, arranging a marriage and starting my own home and family.

And I feel like I've just written an intro for a presentor on a reality TV show!

I've just been to CU with my new friend Becky. We're going through Romans, my favourite book of the bible at the moment. Romans 5. T'was some good stuff.

I also re-found this clip.

I absolutely love the song behind it (Take The World by Tim Hughes).

I've just been spending some time with God with the song in the background, thinking about the discussion at CU and I couldn't believe it!

Starting university was nothing that I could've been prepared for! It was a whole new experience.New environment, new friends, standing on my own two feet. One big thing that stuck out was what I should be like. A shining light. It's so hard to define the line between these two lives I have upon me.

My whole life I've been surrounded by church. Christian family, Christian friends, being at church events, spending a fair amount of my days at the church office. I did have a group of non-christian friends at school, but now looking back on it I guess my life has been pretty sheltered and naive.

Here, I live with one other Christian (Becky) and 10 non-Christians. I thank God each day for the friends I have here. Everyone is so lovely.

I guess I just don't know what to do when it comes to things like clubbing. I love hanging out with people, and I like my drink, but I've never been to a club or in that sort of environment. There was a UV party last week which I regret not going to now because it looked so good!! I trust all my friends so I don't feel in danger...it's just something new and a little bit daunting. But I'm gonna go

Something else which is totally alien to me is not being involved in church. I feel a bit at a loose end. If you read my blog, you will know how heavily involved in church life I have been. At present, I only go along on Sundays. I don't get to mid-week stuff because it's too far away, and I haven't really told anyone about my singing and leading worship or running youth and kids work. I think for a while I just want to stand back a bit and get to know people in the church, rather than people knowing who I am because I do stuff. Although I know how frustrating it is when people don't volunteer to help for things, so I feel fairly bad.

I am desperate for someone to pray with. So...I'm praying for someone to pray with!! How silly! But I am. I want someone that I can get excited with when God does stuff. If I share my excitement with someone else...then I recon it would flow out into my friends around me which is what I want to see!

So anyway, I'm not the only one who has gone into an alien situation. My college/church/Impact friends Darren, Tim, Gary-Lee, Serena, Lydia, Rosie, Lauren, Jon, Jack and others, we've all left each other for university, jobs...separate lives. It's really sad and quite scary because it means we're all getting older and at one point we always thought we'd be an amazing tight-knit 'Lemons' group!

But here's a message for you guys:

I love you! So does God! You know that! And even though we're all split off - God is doing amazing stuff! Think back at our lives...Urg! It's so exciting!

I love you all and miss you!

xxx

Romans 5:3-5

Engaged

2009-09-02T00:27:00.001+01:00

Yes I am.
:)

Had a meal with my Mummy and Daddy and Mummy and Daddy in law to be tonight :)
Was a lot of fun. A bit embarrasing and awkward at times :)

But I'm so blessed by them all. So blessed with the family I'm marrying in to. So blessed that both parents get along spiffingly. So blessed of my future husband.

Wanna know how he proposed?
We went to 'The Lakes' for a holiday - camping. (The Lake District)
One night, it was raining extremely hard, any harder would've been a storm.
We tried to lite our 'Griliput' under the umbrella we were crouching under and after about 15 minutes it started going on its own. So we had a little camp fire - in the almost-storm.
Then we sat down with a glass of wkd each and got chatting about us and our lives and stuff. Then we started talking about what we liked about each other...then Jak said 'so let's go.'

And as I got up to leave, Jak knelt down, (in a puddle) and held a beautiful ring out and 'popped the question.' It was so lovely and I was so unbelievably happy, I dont think I've been that happy in a long time and I said yes!

So tonight we got together with both parents and started talking about the wedding. Wow. I'm so excited to start organising it. I love organising big things, so this will be a lot of fun.

God has blessed me so much constantly and I'm so grateful. He knows all that I need and so I'm more than happy to bow down to him and be blessed by him.
Do the same. It can only get better.

He must increase...

2009-08-17T19:51:00.003+01:00

Picture this:

4 ladies between the ages of 14 and 16 went into the 'big top' of Soul Survivor to kindly save a seat for their youth group. They used string and made a square.
5 guys between the ages of 17 and 30 come along from another youth group and sit in the middle of the square. These guys youth group is about 5 metres away from themselves to the right, but these men are trying to make a point that the girls shouldn't be saving spaces for the youth group and the group should be here if they want the spaces.
The 4 young ladies are kindly asking the guys to move back to sit with their youth group because the space they are saving if for their youth.
The guys are refusing to move saying 'We like the view'.

The ladies youthgroup we're on their way...about 5 minutes away.

How would you react if you were the ladies? How would you react if you were part of the youthgroup when you got their and you seat had been taken? And how would you react if you were the ladies youth leader?

It's two different things when you are a youth at Soul Survivor and a youth leader.
Being at Soul Survivor as a youth is so much fun because it's all about you and God.
You can completely focus in the worship solely on what God wants.
You can run around until 1am getting and giving free hugs from random people.
You can spend money on books, cds, hoodies.
You might even gain a holiday crush.

Being at Soul Survivor as a youth leader is much different.
In the meetings, you can still worship and meet with God, but you have to check up on your youth. See what God is doing, making sure no-one falls over in the spirit without someone to catch them.
You have to enforce the rules, times of meals and more.
It's wise to get to bed before midnight because you know it's best to get to the showers before 7am so that you can be ready for the next day.
You spend money - happily - on the youth in presents, comfort etc.
Time is spent encouraging, talking, spending time with the youth, rather than hanging out in the town.

We went to Soul Survivor this year. 2 people gave their lives, the holy spirit met with people, people were renewed, people were healed.

Even though I nearly fell asleep at the wheel driving home, even though my luggage is still on my bedroom floor, even though Im out of money, I wouldn't go back in time.

I loved being able to pray with my youth, I loved just hanging around them and seeing God work. I loved it.

...I must decrease.

Thunder is

2009-07-16T23:05:00.003+01:00

Thunder is the sound made by lightning.

Thunder is not yet rain.

Thunder is stolen.

Thunder is like Dinosaurs walking on the earth.

Thunder is the President.

Thunder is good, Thunder is impressive, but lightning does all the work.

Now the word thunder just looks wrong.

It's nights like these when I appreciate living in England. Im in bed listening to the pitta-patta of the rain of my window and then suddenly my whole room lights up and KABOOM!

Close your eyes and listen to the rain drops. Each one is completely different. High pitched, low pitched, you can tell which ones are coming down fast, which ones are fat.

I could sit for hours listening.
It's slowing down now...makes me tired.

This picture doesn't give lightning the credit it needs. It doesn't show how powerful it can be. How quick, how bright.

The picture looks pretty and amazing, but not enough credit.

So I'm gonna make every moment of lightning and thunders, gonna watch every storm.

They remind me of my King. Nothing in this world can give him enough credit, but I will give him every moment of my life to glorify him.

What a faithful God have I

2009-07-10T22:47:00.002+01:00

5 years ago at an event my old church ran, Lets Go, I went on the bungee run with my good friend Russell.

For those of you who don't know what a bungee run is, it's this. You have a elastic rope tied around your waste, and then you walk as far as possible...you're meant to stick a sticky bean bag on the side and beat your partner...but Russell and I weren't bothered about that.

So...we were both trying our best to beat each other, and I have a competitive streak in me (even though I feel I hide it rather well). We wanted to see who could go the furthest...not worrying about the bean bag things.

And I was a chubby thing back then, so ykno, I have a fair amount of weight on myself to be able to get a far way.

We both managed to stretch across the whole length of the bungee run and then on to the grass. This was rather dangerous (I'd still do it again today if possible) but we got futher than most people so it was a good accomplishment!

The next problem was how do we un-stretch the elastic without flinging back...

There wasn't an answer to that.

So we flung.

I guess it kinda hurt...but I didn't wanna be a wus because it was an inflatable, so I picked myself up...untangled my hair from the elastic and walked (leaped) off the bungee run casually acting cool.

Didn't think anything of it.

About 6 months later I started getting back aches and quite severe ones. And after 2 years of the pain and physical sickness, I decided to go to an Osteopathe.

It was painful, and he gave me some good tips, but after some examination he diagnosed what was wrong.

My spine was in the shape of a C and I had a twisted vertebra. (I don't agree with that spelling, but thats what Wikipedia said).

So I started swimming lots, going back for regular massages to get knots released (which was the most painful) and sitting up right.

Things got even worse when I came on my monthly journey. I went to London Science Museum with some of my greatest college friends, now we couldn't drive then so it was all public transport.

Standing and walking around for a long time never did any good to my back. It got so bad that I felt like I was going to be sick any minute so all my friends lovingly decided that it was better for us to walk through the streets then to stay on the undergound. (No sarcasm, its better for everyone if Im sick on the streets then on a train!)

So I was...and it was horrible.

So Im hoping by now you understand how bad my back was.

This week was the Mobilise conference in Brighton (Hallelujah) and on the first evening at the end of the worship God said to me "I'm going to heal your back".

So it was a promise.

My dad has had a bad back for hundreds of years now and so I pressumed he would heal me in a couple of years. I firmly believed his promise and knew he would.

Thursday afternoon seminar was with Julian Adams and it was Sign and Wonders.

He spoke for a little encouraging us to get into the supernatural and then he said 'lets heal the sick', so I thought...why not!!!

So I took up asking for prayer for my back and a couple of people laid hands and prayed for me.

Apparently my back became too hot to touch and God healed me!

That evening, was the celebratory evening meeting and so a lot of dancing, jumping and standing was going on...including me! And my back didn't hurt once afterwards!

God is good and faithful and I praise him for what he has done.

If God has promised you something, he will do it. Whether its in a couple of days or a couple of years, it will happen.

Keep praying into it and be faithful with your prayers, because God is faithful in his promises.

Dear you...

2009-06-15T00:39:00.004+01:00

I'm rather aware I'm called to be different. I'm not always gonna have my family and friends around.
I grew up in a big church, with all my closest friends. God took me out of that when I was 16...moved me into a small church where I only knew 1 or 2.

I grew up in a family of 4, a close family. God moved me to another home for 3 months where I didn't know anyone.

He took me to Spain to live with a family for 10 days. Again, I knew no-one.
God took me to Portugal for 2 weeks. I went with 1 person I knew really well.
He put me into a good group of school friends. I was the only Christian.
God is taking me 5 hours away from my family and friends and 1 hour away from my boyfriend for 3 years.

I think I'm called to be different, independant, in love with God and to be taken places.
I don't want to move away from the ones I love, I never have.

I do want God's plan. No matter how heartbreakingly painful it is, I know he sees my path and will take me the best route. All the times I have been seperated, cut off, left, moved around, plonkey down...I can see God's hand over it. And I never could've learnt it all if that hadn't happened.

So this is a tearful message to all my family and friends who I never seen, speak to or am not as close to as before.
I'm sorry I haven't made the decisions you wanted me to make.
I'm sorry for loosing you.
I'm sorry for not being close.

I'm not sorry for doing what I felt God was calling me to do.

I truely think about you and pray for you.

Lots of love

Me
x

I heart blogging

2009-06-15T00:21:00.004+01:00

I've spent the last hour, I guess you could call it Re-discovering myself, by reading all the old posts in my blog.
Some things I'd totally cringe at and want to delete, others I'd be proud of.

I think it's important to read old stuff you've written. Someone once told me not to throw away an old journal of mine because it's important. I listened and am glad I did.

My blog has always been my creativity getaway and I've always enjoyed it. Other than writing, I'm not creative. I always wish I could paint and have a room like Allie in The Notebook. But, I'm alright with just being able to write.

I also looked at the comments. Brings back a lot of memories. I think from reading everything tonigh, God has shown me something which I need to change. Writing is something I enjoy, and I'm also an open, honest and blunt person. So my blog worked well for me.

I was never forcing people to read it. Things I wrote, of course, resulted in all different kinds of comments. I never found out who each anon was but that doesn't matter so it's okay.
But I think a part of me got torn apaert in those comments and I guess I've always been feeling the consequence ever since. It's amazing how our words can change people view of themselves, people's behaviour and people's personality.
I think maybe thats why theres always been gaps between my blogging.

So this is what Gods showing.

To hold my heart out once again to reach people all over the world.

Just as I wrote the full stop of that sentence, Brooke Fraser sang down my headphones I'm holding my heart out to you.

Wow.

I think God wants me to come back to blogging.

Revelation through thinking

2009-04-16T00:33:00.000+01:00

Negative.

Or Positivie.

Do I go down the route of how rubbish I've been recently.

Or how God just inspires me sometimes.

Hmmm.

Well, I've got until 2Am when they will be an 'Scheduled outage'.

I do plan to be asleep by then.

I'm off in September. God brought that one round quickly. Too quickly for my liking really. As GaryLee says he ambushed me. Hull, one of the ugliest towns - explain the people who have never been there. Well, Scarborough really.

Looking around my room now I'm wondering how much stuff I will actually be able to take with me. Half of it though I don't even use. I've probably only ever got it because I was trying to be someone else.

I remember always trying to loose weight compared to my best friend when I was younger. She seemed...perfect. Skinny, long nails, long blonde hair. I was the opposite. Chubby, bit my nails and had short brown hair. I'm still not her, but I know God loves me for who I am...and theres no harm in trying to stop habits.

I remember the multiple times copying things that guys I liked did.

Watching a WHOLE rugby match because he was into rugby - I didn't have a clue how it worked.

Inviting him round just to play playstation...when I hated it. It was our only connection...it was a lie.

Wrapping a toy gun up in toilet paper when it was 2 against 1 (him and his best mate against me.) and tried to make them believe I'd made a gun out of toilet paper. Didn't worked.

Trying to seem more 'technical' because he was so amazing at it all.

Wearing a sweat band halfway up my arm just because he did. Then when I was quizzed about it...said 'thats how I normally wear it.' I've always hated sweat bands.

Stopped wearing a certain type of shoes because he doesn't like them.

The different words from his country. Just sounded ridiculous in my accent!

Why is it that we need other people to make us see what we want to be?

I've just realised that other peole have such a big impact on me...how much of an impact do I have on other people?

So sad it's not all good.

The fool says in his heart...

2009-03-02T13:53:00.001Z

Last night I watched Richard Hammond's Engineering Connections...don't sound too suprised!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00j2jlg/Richard_Hammonds_Engineering_Connections_Series_1_Deep_Space_Observatory_Keck_Hawaii/

It was actually really interesting.
The whole way through I was thinking 'This is so blindlingly obvious that God exists!'

For instance...
They had made this microscope thingy where Hammond put one of his hairs from his head into this capsule thing, and the zoomed in on it. I'm trynna find a picture of it, but I've had no luck.
Then...get this, they actually wrote on his hair his name. So one hair from his head had 'Richard Hammond' imprinted on it. Now, I was paying attention, but they used a lot of bigs words...so here's how I remember them saying they did it.
They blasted millions of atoms on to the hair to leave an imprint. I remember them saying that the 'i' in Richard had 1000 atoms.

Now, to demonstrate this example, of the 'blasting', they blasted sand molecules on to a part of an car - like a bonnet - and it smoothed down the area...working like sand paper.

If we, after how many years of living, have finally come up with a way of looking a one of our hairs from our head in high zoom and are able to write on it (sounds so ridiculous!) then...well, just think about what God can do.
He doesn't need to use equipment to be able to write on a hair of our head. He doesn't have to wait while he figures it out. I don't know what God does, whether he clicks his fingers and it happens, if he claps and the lights come on. Who knows?

Programmes like that which were made to educate people on the new equipment inventors have made, prove something to me everytime. Even though they world is searching for answers about how the world was made, and who made it, and evolution and all this stuff, the more programmes they make to answers those questions, if they only had an open mind...they'd be able to see the answers!

Oh God is good!

On the plane to Portugal...

2009-02-03T09:08:00.007Z

On the plane to Portugal, this is actually the first time all week I've been able to write. Very sad of me seeing as it's the weekend.

God's been showing me a lot this week. Some of it I don't understand why. I wonder why. Have I missed something? I always just want to be doing what he wants me to do.
Is he trying to pull me the other way?
I look deeper into his word desperately trying to find answers.
I listens to worship songs displaying his glory.
Poems singing of his majesty.
I try to write my own. All the way hoping for myself to be drawn in deeper. Sometimes it works for a split second.

Life would be easier if I had a hotline to God.
Life would be easier if he was physically here.
Life would be easier if he spoke clearly into my ears.
But I'm not here for me.

Went to church sunday eve with some girls from youth.
Wow.
God was exalted.
God is exalted.
I must admit, I was very pleased to be in a Holy Spirit filled room with others and to be blessed, but I couldn't stop thinking 'What will happen when the church looses it's charisma? Will they all stay? Or will they search and move on to another lively church?'

I learned that night many things.
1, The 10 minute talk was about reaching out and sharing the gospel, so I learnt and received encouragement from the HS.
2, That my Chritian walk isn't about me, it's about God using me to reach the nations.
3, How and what to pray for when it comes to my less jumpy church.
And 4, That my church isn't THE BEST CHURCH.

This trip to Portugal I hope will totally bless the kids minds. I want to show them Gods love, how much he cares for them and how he can change their lives.

Lord, Let me be a blessing to them this weekend.
May I make everlasting friendships by your grace.
Lord, take my hands, feet, smile, words and use them for your work.
I give all I am to you.

Beauty

2009-01-29T23:31:00.001Z

Tonight has been an empowerment poured on me!
I'm so jolly and happy clappy!

I'm in a silly mood but YAY!
I just wanna shout from the roof tops!

'Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear;
Forget your people and your father's house.
The king is enthralled by your beauty;
honour him, for he is your lord.
The Daughter of Tyre will come with a gift,
men of wealth will seek your favour.

All glorious is the princess within her chamber;
her gown is interwoven with gold.
In embroidered garments she is lef to the king;
her virgin companions follow her and are brought to you.
They are led in with joy and gladness;
they enter the palace of the king.

Your sons will take the place of your fathers;
you will make them princes throughout the land.
I will prepetuate your memory through all generations;
therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.'

Go comment.

All the Glory

2009-01-14T22:36:00.005Z

Tonight I really wanted to put this song on my blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2QT24cfUWo

My thinking was that I hadn't blogged in so long...and owed myself to, but that always its such a true, powerful song that I had to. Just so hopefully it would affect someones life.

But then I thought, no...this year is about God. And so how can I just put a song up?

My God is much more worthy than me putting a song up on my blog for him. He is so worthy that I should lay my life down to him.

So instead of keep posting song lyrics that mean something to me, I am gonna start writing songs again that glorify my King.

Even though I have never put music to any of my songs, I know they still bring glory to my God because it's from my heart and he just wants me to devote myself to him.

Sometimes I can hear a tune in my head that suits them, sometimes I can't.

I don't write songs so that maybe one day I'll end up having my own CD, I don't do it so that they'll end up being played at NewDay or Soul Survivor. I write them to show my God how much I love him and to devote myself to him.

I hope one day I will be able to put some chords to them - when I've learnt guitar or piano - but for now, I happy with how they are.

May my songs always bless God and bring glory to his name

Joyage

2008-11-14T15:43:00.006Z

When I listen to Switchfoot, I feel so at peace. I close my eyes, sing the words in my heart and suddenly a smile comes upon my face.

I start to feel the joy I haven't felt in years.

I can't control my smile. It constantly expands.
When I take a deep breath, I can smell the fresh air of then.

I get so excited and happy that tears fall from my smiling eyes.

Nothing seems to matter. I continue like this until the song finished.
.

Which at that point I open my eyes...

...and get hurled back to "reality".

I then start to wonder what more I'm meant to live for.
.

Will I ever be as happy as I was then? It was pure joy and content. Did I take it for granted?

Was it all because of the people I had around me? Or was it because of who I was in God?

Am I worse off now?

Or am I being ungrateful and not realising what I've got this year?

I miss then, I miss it, I miss her, I miss him, I miss everyone, I miss everything.

I miss myself.

I'm coming back, I promise.

Lonely Nation

2008-10-02T17:05:00.001+01:00

Wow. I'm so ignorant.

Moved house tuesday. Definitly one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I cried. A fair amount. Still do when I realise my 'home' is now someone elses home who I don't know very well, and am probably closest to the dog than to the family.

Her names Pudding, she's 3 years old, Chocolate Labrador, She cheeky, She loves the sofa more than her bed, She'll be the one to come hug me in the mornings when they've left for school at 730 and I'm all on my own.

See, it's sad.
Sometimes it's just easier with a dog. I miss my dog.

God has blessed me though. My car is back on the road, so I can feel the wind in the fans and listen to Jon Foremanie everywhere I go. RESURRECT ME!
Had an awesome weekend with church. Oak Hall Manor.

I don't think I've ever felt so loved and lonely all at the same time.
This world is rubbish at comforting. Love going back to my room and being comforted by God. He's awesome. The only one who can.
And already I'm sat here with a smile on my face.

So, what is it about being so loved and lonely at the same time.
Being loved...
People appreciate what you do, some in awe of how you do it. Blessing you with support, prayer, inviting over for dinner.
They say their bit of encouragement, I make a mental note, and then we chat a bit more and learn more about each other. Where I normally say more than I should and they think 'Geez...'
But it doesn't put them off.

I'm gonna be brave here.
I've never felt such compassion before from a church than I have at Cowfold.
I stuff up so much, and they hug me and pour on me God's love.
At my previous church, I probably wouldn't get anything.
It's exciting seeing all the different churches.

I like standing back and seeing what God's doing.
I'm smiling again!

Questions...

2008-09-17T23:03:00.002+01:00

I know there are no answers and that I won't be able to comprehend because it's God's own timing - which we can't comprehend yet.

Buuuuuuuuuut...

Revelation 12:7-9.

Why did God throw him down to earth?

Genesis 1:31 clearly says God looked at all he had created and saw it was good.

So....if God threw him down to earth...did God made earth bad by doing so?

Or was earth already bad?

But for it to be bad, it would have to have Satan in already...so he must've been there before.

So now I'm really confused.

(The remants of a youth talk on the Devil)

The Jeans

2008-09-15T21:06:00.002+01:00

Life can be a bit like a new pair of jeans.
This scenario always happens for me.

I finally got down to my last pair of favourite, most comfortable skinny jeans with the huge hole in the knee. It meant that every time I put them on...I would accidentally put my foot through the whole and not realise half my leg would be outside the jeans until it got to my thigh.

So...I take an afternoon to go do some shopping. I find one pair of skinny jeans...that aren't that amazing as the hole-y ones...but they'll do - plus, they're cheap.
I get home...they come halfway up my back!!! Yes I did try them on, but they stretched somehow on the journey from Crawley to Horsham in my car!

The second pair of jeans I buy are gorgeous...they have washie blue all over, three cleverly placed buttons and they hug my bum. Just what a girl wants.
...
I get home....wear them to work the next day...and I don't even need to unloosen the 3 buttons or the zip to take them off!!
Somehow...Ive either lost weight extremely quickly or they've stretched aswell!
I eat breakfast properly...a bowl of Special K Honey & Oats normally...this morning...an English breakfast (which I cooked if I may say!).
So theres no way I could've lost weight...infact...I should've gained weight!

Somethings wrong. Either me...or the jeans.
What do we think?

Make me more like Jesus

2008-09-06T14:19:00.004+01:00

There's always a degree of wanting more in my heart.

When I'm not close to God...I want more.

I want to know him better, understand him better, so I do everything I can. Speak to him, pray, read, meditate...everything.

And then when I'm getting closer (and by my arrogance I feel like I'm close) I slowly and discreetly back off without realising.

Now I've gone in a circle!

I want to know God again and get closer.

How silly of me. Why do I have this floor? So that God can show me time and time again how amazing and breath-taking he is.

And I happily allow him to show me how amazing he is.

Of course I am...I dwell in his grace!

I start Impact monday and I'm so syked bout it.

I thought I knew exactly what was happening...then I read Andrew Wilson's email and then I knew what was happening. Except I still don't know a real lot.

Starting Impact means I move out...so my blessed mother bought me some pink towels as a moving out present.

This year isn't just a change for me, it's a change for my family. We has only just clicked - see, arrogance.

Lord! Destroy me! Make me see!

Kasha

2008-08-10T13:25:00.003+01:00

I have been working in a chocolate factory the past 3 weeks and met a wonderful woman called Kasha from Poland. She's has so many trials and tribulations, yet she is so content with the little things.

Like hearing a 8 year olds boy's laugh.

Talking to someone who is interested in her life.

I'd talk to her about church, and that she should come to Cowfold because Id love to see her there and build up our friendship - she said that she got frustrated when she went to church before because people are sometimes too serious...and she likes smiling. :)

She always made me smile.

Pray for her...she has 3 boys and her husband died. She's lovely.

I am going away for 3 weeks tomorrow - Soul Survivor with my youth, and then to france for two weeks...and then...IMPACT! yaya!

Gonna be so awesome.

Want to say lots more but don't have time
See you in 3 weeks :)

Its not about us

2008-07-15T18:27:00.002+01:00

This world is not about us.

It's not about us being the best.

Its not about the crap we go through.

Relationships aren't about us.

Families aren't about us.

Love isn't about us.

Friendships aren't about us.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8bR08A6SR4s

This is a very powerful, true song.

And it's for you.

When you're struggling.

When you want to go back.

Life isn't about us.

Lets just love God. Thats the best we can ever do.

Only Hope

2008-07-07T20:30:00.000+01:00

Whenever I hear this song I cry.

When I listen to the lyrics, my heart cries.

When I sing the song, my soul is singing with me.

Even if I think of it meaning something else, its too powerful to be overridden.

Its describing my soul's song...but it's not even close.

Two instruments is all that's needed for this song to have it's connotation.

I cannot help, but shut my eyes, have my eyes feel the music and sway my head lovingly.

Whether it's through headphones, club speakers, laptop speakers.

It'll always have it strength.

I will always dance with my mind, heart, spirit and soul for my King.

Fear the Lord

2008-06-05T19:34:00.004+01:00

I want to say something about how amazing God is, and how in love with him I am, and I want to dedicate this post to him. But Im speachless really.

I have been so into this song for months now

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vdq9Q8wJdjc

Its just my prayer.

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to You

Lead me, lead me to the cross

I was being rid of myself a few weeks ago. Some troubling times.

I started to complain about it, and then realised God was just answering my prayer.

Amen.

I realised that although you have friends and others around to support you and assist you in prayer, the only one who can actually help you is God.

Heis the allpowerful one.

The mighty one.

And I'm afraid of him.

In Deuteronomy 6 it says to, so I'm good there!

I'm so afraid of what he's going to do with me next year. In the next few months. How he's going to solve situations that I can only presume are gonna go one way.

I'm so scared of the people he's going to bring into my life, bring back into my life, and take out of my life.

I'm scared of who he's going to make me, mould me, how he's gonna test me.

Some times I wish that he would just give someone a prophecy and take away these nightmares.It's been too long.

But it scares me even more knowing that if I don't listen and obey him, it could all go wrong.

So I stand firm in that fact that he loves me, and even though things will be hard, he will always have a plan for me.

So as I go and speak with my elder now of how we presume next year is gonna go, I chuckle at the thought of God sitting in heaven knowing how its gonna go. It comforts me that someone knows.

I sometimes wonder if he has something to do with the spiritual world.

Charlie

2008-05-19T20:00:00.005+01:00

Why does God give us passions before he gives it to us.

Sounds like a simple answer to a stupid question. But I don't understand it.
I have such a passion that it aches in my heart. I feel I have so much love to give, but I can't.
Do I have to direct it somewhere else? Should I use it for other things? Or just store it up for that child?

I want to be a mother.
I want to go through those 'horrible' 9 months of pregnancy, have an 'outtie', get back ache, give birth, and at the end of that hardship...have a child of mine.
Seems like a big statement for an 18 year old.
But Gods given me this heart for a long time.

Written on my heart is Proverbs 31.
I've always wanted to be the best wife, mum, friend, sister in the world.
I know I won't be.
I can't.

But not being able to try makes me feel physically sick.
It brings tears to my eyes thinking about me ever holding my own son/daughter in my arms.
Having them be totally dependent on me for everything.

I can't do anything except cry out to God. He knows why I have this passion inside of me.
Am I too impatient?

No words to describe him

2008-05-19T18:25:00.003+01:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

He's awesome.

I'm totally in love with him.

I'm deeply in love.

There's no words to describe him.

"how many tissues have u used?"

I typed 'indescribable' into google images.

Creative Writing

2008-05-12T19:42:00.003+01:00

College has announced a 'Creative Writing' competition.

GaryLee and myself are going for it :)

We have until September to enter in, but I did it today! Yes eager I know, but why wait around when I've got stuff on here already?! Precisley.

So I posted the today song I wrote.

You think it was a good one?

We can enter anything in. Song, Poem, Script, Dialogue.

Lemme kno which one you think I should've used.

This? This? This? This? This? This?

Hope you like the new style.

Hope people still read this.

Today

2008-02-24T20:11:00.001Z

As I walked away

All I could feel was pain,

My life was falling

Like water down a drain.

I knew you were there

Watching over me,

I just couldn't let you go

There's still so much I wanna see.

Today you were with me laughing

Tonight I felt your touch

Tomorrow I'll speak to you again.

Today you walked besides me

Tonight I found true love

Tomorrow I will sing of your love.

I always felt your presence

Even through my struggles,

Somehow you still comforted me

And gave me lots of cuddles.

I love it when I find stuff hard

Because I know of your outcomes,

Trials and Tribulations are my joy

And thats my lifes sum.

Today you said Goodmorning

Tonight you showed me and old friend

Tomorrow you'll be the one on my mind.

Today you gave me happiness

Tonight you made me a promise

That tomorrow will be our time.

June 06

Myspace vs Bebo vs Facebook vs Habbo Hotel... Recap

2008-01-17T07:59:00.000Z

Old Post

After all that I now have facebook.

How ironic.

What to do, what to do, what to do.

2007-08-27T10:08:00.000+01:00

John 15:18-20
If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you.

We know we're gonna be persecuted for being different, for believeing. We're supposed to just as Jesus was.

Matthew 5:14-16
You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Bluntly...we're examples.

John 15:17
This is my command: Love each other.

Love each other, got it :)

1 Corinthians 13:13
Three things will last forever - faith, hope and love - the greatest is love.

Love = greatest....last forever! Woooooo!

All those verses I know and love deeply. But with my work place is something I struggle with. Well, I'm not sure how God would want me to be.

I'm at college full time, so I work part time - saturdays and holidays. Saturdays is mostly part-staff which is any age between 16 and 24.

Some of the people in that age gap I get along with extremely well. We can have a laugh while working together which is awesome. Some just look down on me -> expected. And some I just don't plain understand. Some of the 20 year olds have the maturity level of a 14 year old school boy. Making sexist joke, rude comments, trying to trip people up...no doubt they're good with the customers, but I'm just stunned!!

So obviously I get a little teased about my faith and church. But most just ask me questions. I don't get insulted or upset when people take the mic, I'm just a secure person in that area.

So I try and love everyone unconditionally.

But what do I do?

Stay at my maturity level and set an example?

Decrease my maturity level a tad and make friend so I can be salt and light?

Or what?

Answers and opinions plesh :)

Forgive Me

2007-06-22T22:41:00.000+01:00

Sunrise to Sunset

2007-05-28T14:42:00.000+01:00

Father in heaven, forgive me for sinning

I know I need a new beginning.

Father in heaven, forgive me for sinning

I know I need a new beginning my world is spinning.

From sunrise to sunset help me not forget all that you've done for me.

From sunset to sunrise help me keep my eyes upon Your glory.

Say ah yea (ah yea) say alright (alright) every sunset (sunset) every sunrise (sunrise).

Oh I need ya, oh I need ya right now.

You came down from heaven above to show me Your way, You way is to love so help me love love and not judge or hold a grudge sayin...

Some times we need a reminder.

Myspace vs Bebo vs Hi5 vs Facebook vs Habbo Hotel...

2007-05-20T23:12:00.000+01:00

That list could go on forever! The amounts of crazes on the net at the moment for 'a load of crap that waste everybody's time' as Bick calls them. No, the amount of 'personal web spaces' or 'social networking sites' that are on offer at this time in life is crazy.

A few years back, I became a member to (the now old fashioned) Hi5. The explanation of this to new users is given as:
hi5 is a social networking Internet service founded by Ramu Yalamanchi.

A little explanation is also given about the services on Hi5:
In hi5, users create an online profile in order to show information such as interests, age and hometown and upload user pictures where users can post comments. They can also send friend requests via e-mail to other users.
When a person receives a friend request, he or she may accept or decline it, or block the user altogether. If the user accepts another user as a friend, the two will be connected directly or in the 1st degree. The user will then appear on the person's friend list and vice-versa.
Some users opt to make their profiles available for everyone on hi5 to view. Other users exercise the option to make their profile viewable only to those people who are in their network.
The network of friends consists of a user's direct friends (1st degree), the friends of those direct friends (2nd degree) and the friends of the friends of direct friends (3rd degree).
hi5 also allows the user, among other things, to create personal photo albums, set up a music player in the profile and set a circle of friends. Videos can be posted from YouTube.

Hi5 is, in my books, one of the oldest things I can remember to first signing up to. Now, yes I may be a little baby compared to others reading this, so I'd like your input most definitly on whats the oldest and how good it was/is compared to newer options.

Then about a year ago I came to a dilema with Myspace and Bebo.
I looked through them a little...and decided for myself that Bebo was too chavy...and Myspace was the way to go (which in reality...it totally is.)
So I guess I do have more of an opinion on Myspace because I'm known and comfortable with it.

Myspace is also known as a 'Social Networking Website':
MySpace is a popular social networking website offering an interactive, user-submitted network of friends, personal profiles, blogs, groups, photos, music and videos internationally.
Contents of myspace:

Blurbs, Blogs, Multi-media
Friend Space
Comments
Profile Customisation
Music
Bulletins
Myspace Groups
Myspace IM
Myspace Mobile

Sound like Hi5? yup. I agree.

I guess I should look into what Bebo is like really, to justify my point.
Bebo a social networking website, designed to allow friends to communicate in various ways. It has developed into an online community where users can post pictures, write blogs and send messages to one another, and is similar in format to MySpace, Xanga, and Yahoo! 360.

Well, at least they can admit that!!
When I open up the Bebo homepage, to me...it just looks tackey. I mean, cmon...I've only been doing ICT for one year at A level and I still know I can make a better 'Social Networking Site' better than bebo.
And from the local resources I have, people who have bebo...do actually prefer myspace out of the two, but give the excuse that they just have bebo because a certain lot of friends only have bebo.

And now Facebook. No I am not a traitor...I have not become a member of Facebook (not matter how many emails I get about people adding me to FaceBook). I refuse, point blank, to register on that 'Social Networking Website'.
If people wanna contact me...they will have my mobile number, my email address, my myspace address, my msn address, or they'll know someone who knows me.

Now researching Facebook was, I admit a little more interesting compared to all the other sites, because it allows you to have a 'Tour' before registering.
The Tour basically goes through every section available to members and what they can do with their own sections. And to my findings, as predicted, was the same as Myspace, Xanga, Bebo, Hi5...

So in conclusion, theres more websites on the internet than I care to care about.
A List Of Social Networking Sites for you to take your pick...go on...why not add yourself to a few...you might find an long-lost, twice removed, great great great grand-dog.

Thanks to wikipedia.

Little Girl

2007-05-12T17:31:00.000+01:00

She's a beautiful, strong woman,

who everyone follows

But all she wants is a hug,

and a skip in the meadows.

She still has her hopes and dreams,

from when she was young

But now they're forcing her,

into what they've all done.

She needs to spread her wings and fly,

but still have that teddy

For when her plans don't work,

and things go all crappy.

So please I ask,

say a little prayer for this girl

Who's dreams and apsirations

feel like climbing a mountain hill.

Cutest Puppy Ever.

2007-03-29T17:31:00.000+01:00

I wub him.

Expectations

2007-02-03T22:20:00.001Z

Love has a lot of expectations.

Love in friendships, in families and especially in relationships.

Things a girl loves.

1-touch their waist

2-talk to them

3-share secrets

4-give her your jacket

5-kiss them slowly

6-hug them

7-hold her

8-laugh with her

9-invite her somewhere

10-let her be with you when your with your friends

11-smile with her

12-take pics with her

13-pull her onto your lap

14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back

15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she

cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved

16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her

17-kiss her unexpectedly

18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!!

19-tell her she beautiful not sexy!

20-tell her the way you feel about her!

21-kiss her on the lips

22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff

23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD

24-make her feel loved

25-buy them stuff. like small things can still help

26-don't lie to her

27-dont cheat on her

28-take her anywhere she wants

29-txt messege her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her

30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even though she doesn't need you just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.

32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.

33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).

34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. When she complains that her neck/shoulders hurts massage it for her.

36. When people diss her, stand up for her.

37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.

38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.

39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.

40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible

41. call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.

43. Take her for long walks at night.

44. Always Remind her how much you love her.

geez...that's a lot of things to remember for males alone.

It's so much pressure.

I've been blessed today being able to watch tv all day...and every program was something to do with romance in one way or another. 8 Simple Rules...good program...but it's all about the teenagers finding their true love.

Don't get me wrong...I cannot wait to see who I marry and start a life with my amazing husband and build a family. It's one of the things I hold so close to my heart and I'm so passionate about.

But that's all this world is about now. Just finding their True Love. But the shameful thing is...it's not even total happiness they're looking for.

Looking for:

Cute guy with long dark brown hair, Deep brown eyes, Strong jaw-bone, Toned muscles, Deep voice.

I can't put an image to my 'perfect guy'. Sure there's feature's I would prefer my husband to have. But the thing that grabs at my heart the most, is him. Him deep down.

When I feel his excitment for the vision of the church, the nation, the world.

When I just feel how deep he is.

I love to get to know him. I'll never ever fully get him. And that throws me off completely. Makes my grin beam right across my face.

but this isn't a post about my husband...tis bout this world and how simple minded it is

It's hard for me to easily be in awe on such simple things like the sunsets and the stairs...and then have the rest of the world carry on with their busy life-styles and not even flutter an eyelid. If only people would use contry-walk-styles and not london-city-walk-styles and lifted their head up, they'd be alot calmer, bigger smiles on their faces, and go home to a happy family and have a wonderful evening.

But for now, it feels like I'm dreaming. And we have to make most of what we have now. Which although doesn't seem like alot, it's more than we could have ever asked for.

New Year

2007-01-01T02:17:00.001Z

As we celebrate this new year

We think of all the blessings you poured on us

In 2006.

All the friends you gave us

All the family you've blessed us with

All the happy memories we have

Of how we've given you the glory

We Thank you for all the drama you've caused us to learn from

What youve used to teach us valuable lessons.

And so as we offer up to you all our concerns for the coming year

We also offer up our hearts and lives.

We want to see a bigger revelation of you in this town, in this country, in this world.

May you make a big move this 2007 as it is our only 2007.

May you guide us to what is right and what is holy.

Welcome to 2007 everyone!

Yesterdays Dedicated

2006-12-28T12:51:00.001Z

Flowers cut and brought inside
Black cars in a single line
Your family in suits and ties
And you're free

The ache I feel inside
Is where the life has left your eyes
I'm alone for our last goodbye
But you're free

I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone, oh...
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
And until I'm with you, I'll carry on

Adrift on your ocean floor
I feel weightless, numb, and sore
A part of you in me is torn
And you're free

I woke from a dream last night
I dreamt that you were by my side
Reminding me I still had life
In me

I'll carry on

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, yesterday
I still can't believe you're gone
So long my friend, so long

Short but sweet

2006-12-23T21:03:00.001Z

This Christmas is gonna be a weird one.
I'm gonna be the only child.

Opening my stocking on my own...not running in Ben's room waking him up.
Only having three of us at the table in the morning eating breakfast. Not looking over and see my bro still half asleep looking like a ball of fluff.
Not having Ben there to help me rush the washing up after lunch to get quicker to the presents.
Not seeing his big grin as he tries to hide it! But I could always see that goofy excitment.
Gonna have no big bro around sleeping on the lounge floor when we're all too full up for more food at dinner time.
It's gonna be a weird one.

Although I've only been into the 3rd day of the holidays, I've noticed more than I ever have before.
The desire I have, the companionships I have, How I need to look after myself.
I've learnt even more about myself. Which is weird cuz ... Ive gone even deeper into the depths of my heart and I know so much more even stronger.

It's just whether I actually do anything about the amazing things I found out.
Only time will tell.

Check it.

Dream catcher

2006-12-06T23:07:00.001Z

Dreams are a hard thing to decipher

They're either something of truth, or something of the minds imagination

You never kno

The worst thing is, in your dreams, it feels like you're truely there...and its truely happening

The best thing in the world could be happening to you and it isn't even true.

Sometimes they just dont help.

Moving on from old family, relationships, pets anything that could mean the world to you could come back to you in one night, and whack that hidden gem once again.

They seem so clear, so exact.

You can feel every hair on the dog when you stroke it and take it for a walk in that forest.

You can hear the heartbeat of your Grandmother as she lays in her bed softly.

You can feel the warmth of that persons hand as they grab yours and squeeze it so tight never to let go.

You wake up, and within the mini second of adjusting your eyes to the light, that beautiful, most precious dream is just swept away with the morning mist.

And it hurts like mad.

You'd do anything to have that precious moment back. But you can't

Too precious

xxx

Me wants me back

2006-11-30T23:09:00.001Z

I wanna be deep again.

Im just letting my fingers doing the typing.

Whatever comes up in my head...is going on here.

I guess I haven't blogged so deeply as I used to because stuffs changed. Moving colleges, becoming older, moving up in the world, making new friends, loosing old ones. Its been a hard year...a whole year...and it hasn't got easier.

Yeah you can block stuff up and just try and live your life, but thats not me. I wanna share my opinion, be deep, take people on a journey when they read this - if anyone does.

It's like, I was in the position where there was deep stuff that I wasn't afraid of...but now, theres even deeper stuff that I'm terrified of.

Loosing friends at college. I only have one and a half years left at college, and I guess it is really phat. And I know I'm a hypocrite and say 'I thought this was supposed to be the best 2 years of my life!' well, in a way it is. I've grown. I sometimes like have an outer body experience where I can see myself doing what I'm doing...and I'm proud of myself.

'God's really given you a big heart Hat'

erm...I can't see any difference from how i used to be, but I guess I'll take their word for it.

I just wanna be able to pick up my pen and write. Not be so exhausted everytime I even write the date. Sometimes I have the strength to write a little. But never enough that I'm going so deep that I'm crying my tear-ducts out of business.

I wanna start writing beautiful songs and poetry and not be so annoyed at how childish I think they are. I never throw them away, but at the same time, I never show them or re-read them.

I wanna be creative.

Even if the stars fell like rain

2006-11-29T21:39:00.000Z

I realised today - despite all my wining - i love this time of year.

Wet leafs on the floor, muddy, cold, everyone in scalfs and gloves wrapped up warm, having one finger freezing and the rest boiling. It's all good.

Best bit would have to be walking home after college with the sunset. 8)

College is so much different from Millais. Some not what I thought to be honest. One thing that totally took me by suprise is how much I'm respecting myself. Of course I didn't think I would be slutty, but I'm not bothered about what people think of me.

At Millais...there was a huge amount of pressure to be the skinniest, have the shortest skirt, have the best make up colours to go with the bottle green-ness that clouded all our styles everyday. But college...well theres another story!

Yeah you still get some girls who (or maybe a few) who are obviously freezing their ass's off just to look 'cute', but I myself...I've enjoyed wrapping up in other peoples coats and scarfs!! I've enjoyed sitting with the coats giving me a big buldge looking like im the fatty hatty. Batty Matty

Just to prove the pressures.

'Youre more than your body' It's so true. I love the friends i hang around with. I feel so accepted and I wanna thank y'all.

My guy.

2006-11-29T18:59:00.000Z

(minus the gossip thing)

Smile like you mean it

2006-11-20T14:57:00.000Z

I'm always trying to be a good person to be around.

Trying to be churpy and happy and bring joy to people.

Trying to be spiritually aware.

Trying to be aware of people and how to react to them.

I'm just trying to be an alright person all round.

But some things get the better of me. Like my academic skills...and all my other insecurities. I can't help what drives me. I can't help what makes me smile and doesn't. This is me. As I come.

I've always, my whole life, been trying to grow and be more like other people. More chilled, layed-back, more fun, more outgoing, more social, more hardworking, more sturn and more motivated. But I can't. I can't and shouldn't make idols of people. No-one should.

Dear Children, leep yourselves from idols.

1 John 5:21

I'm living my God how he wants me to...and I can only pray and ask for guidance that I'm doing the right thing daily.

Look across the world

And let us shine for you, Lord

The whole world is yours

And I want to live for you

I'm doing this for you.

16th November

2006-11-16T23:19:00.000Z

Happy Birthday Mumma
x

Golden Oldey

2006-11-09T23:57:00.000Z

We want to see Jesus lifted high
A banner that flies across this land
That all men might see the truth and know
He is the way to heaven

We wanna see
We wanna see
We wanna see Jesus lifted high

Step by step we're moving forward
Little by little we're taking ground
Every prayer a powerful weapon
Strongholds come tumbling down
and down and down and down

We wanna see
We wanna see
We wanna see Jesus lifted high

Prayer and Fasting

2006-11-08T17:35:00.000Z

Paul and Barnabas appointed elders for them in each church and, with prayer and fasting, committed them to the Lord, in whom they had put their trust.
Acts 14:23

Ive been praying and fasting today and from 8-1 it felt like a normal day (minus the breakfast) (and added some longer prayer this morning) and then it got to lunch, and i couldn't be near food, so I went to the LRC with Jakka and Gary Lee. But now, I'm on the verge of my tummy rumbling. And it's testing me. This no food business is actually relatively hard considering we have 3 meals a day + like 1billion snacks and become obese.

But walking home from college, I was talking with God, and I realised, all day I hadn't been in awe of his beautiful creation...which is a bit weird, cuz I'm always praising God for what he's blessed this beautiful world with. So I lifted my head up, RIGHT up so I was looking at the sky and not where I was walking, and I saw clouds. They looked so soft and beautiful. Cuddly. This was God hugging me while I was weak. While I was fragile. He was helping me.

Why is it that with praying and fasting...the fasting side of it is more fascinating? When someone asks you why you're not eating, you say 'Because I'm fasting.' and not 'Because I'm praying and fasting.' I did it today. Only drinking water this minute while feeling like I'm drowning because I'm weak from lack of food is making me realise...that God is my strength through this. This is a time when I'm weak, fragile, in pain and I need to let him take control and help me, carry me.

Aswell as God taking control of the hunger/weakness situation. We're also supposed to be praying for something/someone. Well, don't have to, it's our free choice - but that's the idea. And so I'm giving my heart to God for this person I'm praying for. Putting the situation in God's hands even though it's not my situation. And I strongly believe with all my faith something is going to change and theres going to be an amazing shinning light of the living God that will be radiant.

My Dog is cooler than yours.

Have You Ever

2006-10-30T21:56:00.000Z

So you're finally tired, of the friends that
you admired
Spreading love that leaves you empty,
promises without a guarantee
Tell me what are you gonna do, 'cause it's
really all up to you
Make up your mind today, please yeah
I know who you can go to, He'll never
let you down
And his love you can depend on
Forever and ever...yeah

Have you ever, needed anyone this
much before
Did you ever think that I'd be Jesus
No never, never knew his love is what you
have been waiting for

So you search for security love of money and
what it brings
Thought you'd buy you some happiness, but
you foundout it didn't last
One thing I wanna say, that i's all His anyway
Between you and me, ooh listen
I know who you can go to, He'll never
let you down
And His love you can depened on
Forever and ever...yeah

Have you ever, needed anyone this
much before
Did you ever think that I'd be Jesus
No never, never knew his love is what you
have been waiting for

All of his love is for you
No he won't hold you back, 'cause He's all of that,
it's true
All of his love is for you

Michelle Williams - Have You Ever

Wow.

I want to be like her

2006-10-29T20:30:00.000Z

Proverbs 31:10-31

Like her.

Our God Is An Awesome God

2006-10-28T22:32:00.000+01:00

Our God is an awesome God
he forgives me for my lies
he forgives me for the promises I cannot keep
even when i mean them 100% with all my heart
I have so many people I want to say I'm sorry to
but i can only tell my awesome God
Thank you for everything
For being my daddy
For being my heavenly father
For being my safety net
For being my councellor
For being with me
Ive done wrong
Ive hurt
Im a hurt-e
But my awesome God comforts me
Protects me
And forgives me
Even before I ask.
All I can say is Thank You.

Our God is an Awesome God, he reigns
From heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
Our God is an Awesome God

She said it's alright cuz God made a way through the pain and opened her eyes

2006-10-28T22:17:00.000+01:00

I feel personally that I've known true love. It felt pretty true and pretty real. There was an age difference but it was such a beautiful relationship. So maturely, mentally intimate. I can't describe how it was, except we knew each other.
No other words.
And so what I've realised is that I had such an amazing relation with someone of a different age, that I'm petrified of having a relationship my age. Because my generation is so obsessed with physicals and companionship that it barely knows the meaning of true love.
And it hurts me to see the world like this because true love is so much more amazingly beautiful than any physical, lustful affection can ever be.
I see many people around me in relationships always wanting more. Why? If it's 'true love' - as they say - then why are they wanting more? They're contradicting themselves. And I struggle so much to know there is something so beautiful out there that this world neglets.

Goodbye Good Friend

2006-10-25T01:06:00.000+01:00

I used to think that you were someone else
Then I'd loose my mind each day
I used to think that I could help myself
But its true what they say
There is no reason without a way
This is

Good Bye to you and Me
what a good friend you've been to me
and I owe it all to you
every good thing that I do is you

I used to wish that I was someone else
then I'd dream away the day
those dreams have made me into someone new
and its true what they say
there is no better time than today
if this is

Good Bye to you and Me
what a good friend you've been to me
and I owe it all to you
every good thing that I do is you

I am here
I need to say
that I will miss you
everyday
and its true what they say
there is no better time than today
if this is

Good Bye to you and Me
what a good friend you've been to me
if this is

Good Bye to you and Me
well what good friends we will always be
and I owe it all to you
every good thing that I do is you

its you
Every good thing that I do is you
its you
every good thing that I do
well I owe it all to you
every good thing that I do is

Ninedays - Good Friend

Happy Birthday Nick Bick

One In A Million

2006-10-21T18:56:00.000+01:00

She gets all dress up
And goes out with her friends
But she always goes home alone
When the party ends.
They tell her get with it girl
Life is passing you up
It's lonely sometimes
But her heart's set on saving her love.

She's one in a million
Waiting for one in a million
Someone will come along one day
And take her hand
Someone who's been through
All that she's been through
She's one in a million
Waiting for her one in a million
Kind of man

She wrote in her diary
About a boy named John
But he couldn't wait
And now his golden chance is gone.
She's felt the hunger
And she's known the desire
But she's gonna wait
Until it's time to burn that fire.

She's one in a million
Waiting for one in a million
Someone will come along one day
And take her hand
Someone who's been through
All that she's been through
She's one in a million
Waiting for her one in a million
Kind of man

She's not in a hurry
To loose what she can never have again
She's one in a million
One in a million
She's one in a million
Waiting for her one in a million
Kind of guy
She's waiting for her
One in a million kind of guy

Anna Molly

2006-10-19T07:42:00.000+01:00

'Hey you okay?'
'Yeah I'm fine, yourself?...'

and so the conversation goes on.
One thing I've learnt about myself in the last 6 weeks of college, is that I'm not an open person. In my emotional aspects I'm talking about. I'll talk openly about periods, toilets, god, everything. Just not my emotional feelings. The pain and suffering I'm having. psch...not really.

I'm just me
happy as can be
A smile on my face
everyday leaving a trace
people can see where i've been
and i dont even want it to be seen.

I picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly
Doo doo doo doo do, Doo doo doo doo do

Can't wait to see who my husbands gonna be.
It's be a fairly big subject recently
amongst me and my pals.

Gotta stop thinking about it.
You don't help
silly future husband

Hoo

2006-10-12T22:51:00.000+01:00

A new thing I've discovered is Ballet.
When I say discovered, I mean watched about half an hour plus with Bob and actually enjoyed it.
There was this program called 'Ballet Hoo'
The Birmingham Royal Ballet and Youth at Risk joined together to give under privaledged teenagers a chance of a lifetime. To learn ballet.
They did a (wait...im flipping giving information! geez!) anyhoo...they did a romeo and juliet performance, no speaking, just music ballet. Was cool.

So yeah, I guess I could put up with going to watch the Ballet if I had to. I love just listening to music, and I love just sitting watching, and the company of a good friend is always good, so thats a total tick there!

Never knew it existed

2006-10-05T23:03:00.000+01:00

Wow. I've officially learnt of the time called '7am'. - The hard way of course.
"Good morning 7am" I find myself saying every morning. College days, saturdays for works, sundays for church. But I've also learnt that on mondays, theres even an '530am'.
The amazing things of God's creation I've never been awake to see. And now I'm getting on a bit...I'm learning more...getting wiser one could say!

Y'kno, it's always a pleasure staying up late at night/morning about midnight onwards star gazing. But when it comes to getting up early...it's such a hardship - no matter what time you go to bed! 6pm, 930pm, 11pm, 1am, 4am. It is always such an effort to lift my right arm to turn my body over, pick my phone up (that suddenly over night put on weight) and turn the alarm off. The duvet always ways a ton as if its a sponge and has soaked up the entire altantic ocean, and my head feels like it's been crammed with information and its like twice as heavy as it was when my head hit the pillow.

What is it?! Is it heavy meaningful dreams? (Whatever that means!) Is it because I've never fully caught up on my sleep? Is it that my bed is like a vacuum that it just sucks and whistles 'don't leave...I wanna snuggle with yooooowoooou'.

Makes me want to go to bed less because I know every morning I'm gonna have to go through the same routine of actually having a physical fight with my own bed. But just imagine if you have a double bed! It's twice as strong as you! You definitly have no chance. Might aswell just say your goodbyes when you buy the thing!!

So I guess this has made me learn that I'm never gonna get a double duvet, unless my husband is 'the world's strongest man!' ... erm. no comment.

I've learnt quite a bit of stuff this week I guess then. I've been quite politely introduced to 7am. But I've also been harsly introduced to my bed at 9pm. Having something on all the time I'm loving. Talks, Worship leading, Work, Practises, Youth, Shopping, Organising. I love being this busy because I'm learning the concept of time. I'm learning how to manage my time. It's a long path, but it's one with beautiful roses and sunflowers at the sides and pebbles to walk on with streams flowing along side. It's just beautiful.

Bit like my art nowadays.

And His Exact Words Were Something Like...

2006-10-02T22:21:00.000+01:00

I love God. I love that he's my father. I love that he's there no matter how crap I'm feeling. I love that he's there no matter how happy I'm feeling. I love that I only need to worship and sing songs and pray and talk to meet my heavenly Father.

Tonight was awesome. We had band practise tonight and was a worship night. Just what I needed. Was so awesome to just spend time with my God sorting things out. I've had a hard time this last couple of weeks. As some people may know. I haven't been at my best. Not in the sense that I can't worship, or prayer, or talk to God, or be happy in that aspect. Something last week just hit me in the heart again and made it hard, so I've been grumpy, sad, quiet - probably still gonna be because I'm dealing with stuff - with God at my hand.

But I've just struggled to have compassion for people and share love to some people. And I apologise. I'm growing...and its pulling me every different way possible at all times so I'm streching like crazy like Elastigirl. Except I'm no superhero...so it's hurts like mad.

My head hurts from the amazing stuff God is doing in this town. We're having something on Halloween eve - not shareing the deets yet, but believe me you man...it's gonna be saweeeeet! Helping out with @ttitude is so much fun...my third week coming up this week. I'm totally loving it. @ttitude were the years that affected me so much...and I have a passion for those kids to be touched and be living a radical life.

The things I see God doing in peoples life is just so encouraging. I'm loving this whole growing up thing and watching and learning. Makes me so syked to see what God's got for me in my life. For his plans to be at work! 'Yaya!' as jonno would say!

But yeah, tonight at Band...we had a worship night - as I said and God put a song straight on my heart. I was absolutely crapping myself about singing it out...but god took control and I felt like I was listening to myself singing and I wasn't actually singing...but I obviously was. Man, I love the worship team - so encouraging...
'when you started singing ... i didnt think it was you ... it sounded so pure and amazing and i really thought that God was singing through you. you were using your voice at its best i thought it really encouraged me to just worship even more so in a way, thankyou it really touched my heart, deep down'
Makes me smile. And it was all God.

So now, Ive sung my heart out too much and walked around in the rain too much today - stupid frees and what not - my stomache hurts and me and mumma can't figure out what it is thats hurting or what even its called where im pointing!

God Bless Us, Everyone

I follow all the trends

2006-10-02T08:01:00.000+01:00

Technorati Profile

When Miss Harwood interviews Bobby G

2006-09-28T23:20:00.000+01:00

Hi Bobby G. Sup.

Hi hat
Was that suppossed to b a question the "sup"?

Haha
Take it however you want

kk Well my answer to that wud b the ceiling
If that how u spell it
wat questions u got then?

Right So you're in your lovely 2nd year of Collyers aye?

Yes i am and im lovin it

Highlight?

Being named man of the match for the rugby team against the weald and winning back the chair leg for Collyers

So pretty schweet then!

Yeh well gd

mmm sounds it
*thinking - this is spontanious*
You came to Newday right?

Yes i did and really enjoyed it

Highlight?

ummmmmm spending time with u haha
umm proberly helping clean up this park and having an amazing conversation with Rosie

Well it was fun spending time with you too...and wanna tell us about this amazing conversation with Rosie?!?!

eer, yeh she was just tellin me about all the stuff that has happened to her since she has become a christian and about how her old friends treated her she said that she split up wiht her bf cause he wasnt a christian and she knew she coudnt really go for god while still dating him so i really respected her for that and saw she really loved being a christian

yeah, she's awesome like that

definatley

mmm
Lowlight of newday?

wow thats hard ummmmm
having a stupidly early curfew

haha yeah, was pretty silly

def

Thank goodness for mobiles aye
haha

Was earlier than i go to bed at home
Indeed Hat Indeed wat wud we hav done without them?!

mmm
So exactly how many girlfriends did u make yourself through in those 6 days?!

I think it was just the 2 but only 1 of them I really liked
Ill let u guess which 1 was the perfect 1
haha

haha
I dont think it needs to be said in all honesty

Probably not

So If you could learn an instrument...which would it be?

It wud hav to b the bass guitar, which im kinda tryin to learn but keep 4getting to practise

Nice. Thats a phat instrument

Yeh has an awesome sound

Keep practising and you'll be up in the bomb if i have anything to do with it
so yeah, hows the 'pool' going?

haha its goin gd thanks well glad i beat u 3 times now and hav taken the leed cause i was gettin embarrassed losin to u twice especially as the second time i gave u advice on how to beat me

Look love, i let you win those 3 games...y'kno, mans ego and what not

kk cheers 4 that love im not sure i believe u but if u did thanks

mmm
didn't wanna hurt your pride or anything...i could wip yo ass anyday.

That sounds like a challenge i wil hav to take u up that soon

And so hows the singing going? that coming along well aswell as the bass?

The singin is great i "practise" loads while on the pc singing along to all my songs. the bass is havent done ne more unfortunatley i havent had the time

Fair play
Right well thank you Bobby G, its been a pleasure to have you on 102.7missharwoodfm, but im afraid we have no time left.

haha
Thanks, it's been very enjoyable

Anytime.

Big love to you and all your "listeners"

I can hear a cheer coming on from the immediate listeners... '2,6,4,8...who do we appreciate?...Bobbbby ggggg!'

haha

State Of Mind

2006-09-22T23:18:00.000+01:00

So Jakka Cakes has introduced me to an awesome artist - Raul Midon! Definitly worth a listen.
I listen to him in my frees at college...I listen to him when at home doing work...I listen to him when I should be in bed...like right now.
Man, I should not be up. It's been a one non-stop day.

College, Playing pool with Bobby G, Ludo and Jakka Cakes. Then trynna get a lift to @ttitude with Ludo...then us ended up getting the bus and having no clue where to get off or where we were...his burger got completely ruined...just an all good day really. Ask Ludo, I was pretty much in histerics the whole time!

Yeah, well I got work tomo. So I better be off. Sorry for such a rubbish post...but this is what im like at this time, ask Nick, or Bobby G.

Nunnite.
xxx

Staring at what we had i'm making my way through the crowd.

2006-09-12T16:09:00.000+01:00

I've learnt quite a fair bit about relationships i feel over the past. From myself, but also definitly also from other people. I'm not saying I know everything. No way. And I'm definitly not saying my next relationship is gonna be 'the one' and is gonna be perfect and is just gonna last forever. Cuz the chance is it won't.

My perfect guy would have to be living his life for God number one. Seeing guys just going for it for God just makes me smile. A guy who really is focused on God and is just giving his all and isn't afraid to talk about it, who knows God's word and can preach it is just such a smile aspect for me! Chicks dig it!!

He'd also had to want kids. Or at least be good with children. Working with kids this last summer has been so much fun, ive learnt alot from them and I just pray and hope they've learnt stuff from me. Seeing a guy being able to muck around with a lil kid and actually give them attention and enjoy themselves without being afraid of looking like a fool is real appealing.

He'd have to love animals...well...love dogs enough to want one (or some) when we're growing old with our family of 7! But yup...my dog is definitly one of the most important things in my life. I don't actually know what i'll do whe he goes to doggy heaven. And meets with Molly and Jack. (our other two dogs we had).

He'd had to love poetry and be a non-materialistic guy. Be able to see beauty beyond looks and be a real deep guy. Not be afraid to cry or ask for hugs. Not be scared to watch girly films and not be afraid to show his friends how much he likes me.

From a friend:
I was afraid of you,
Too scared to move.
That I just stared into your eyes.
My first big mistake,
Your heart did break.
So now I’ve lost my only guide.

Coz those 3 small words,
Came way too late –
To save me from my dying fate.
My heart cried so much,
It really screamed inside.
I was too attached to my pride.

But here I listen to the sound,
As I look upon the ground.
And realise what a fool I’ve been.
It speaks to me so clear,
As if you yourself were here.
We could’ve been a beautiful scene.

And those 3 small words,
That were needed so bad –
Only seemed to make you sad.
I fall into the sky.
Hoping you will get this wish.
This is something I don’t want you to miss.

My future is in your hands,
Together we should stand.
Holding hands for eternity…
It kills me to feel,
All of this guilt.
And you know its not meant to be.

Why did those 3 small words,
Fail me so?
That you gave back my love and told me to go.
So I’ll say it again,
I don’t care what you do.
Just know that always I Love You.

Gonna want to write songs with me and be able to play/sing them together.

This is our chance to surrender
To give our all
This is our chance to surrender
To see it through

Open up your arms
Let me see your light
Guide me through the forest
Of my daunting life.
Tomorrow is another day
Giving me the chance to seek you
So as I sing this song
Bring me to your throne.

This is our chance to surrender
To give our all
This is our chance to surrender
To see it through

We can only suceed
With your strength.
So walk with us daily
and sit with us as we pray.
We don't know where our path goes
Where our tracks lead us
Where our road wonders
But you've promised to show us the way.

He's gotta love star gazing, the sunset and sunrise, gotta love awesome scenery and would want to stay up all night watching the stars and going on long walks.

Anyone wanna try?...

H club

2006-09-04T19:06:00.000+01:00

Check it you:
you know u wanna :)
xxx

http://princesshat.spaces.live.com/PersonalSpace.aspx?_c01_blogpart=myspace&_c02_owner=1&_c=blogpart

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right

2006-08-26T23:32:00.000+01:00

How do you know when you're doing the right thing?
Is it just when it feels right?
Or when you're told you're doing the right thing?
Are you supposed to get consent before anything?
Supposed to get guidence?
How come when you get advice you never take it...
But when you ask for advice...its never the advice you 'need'?

Am I doing my best?
Telling it straight?
Doing it the Godly way for once?
Is it too dangerous when telling people the truth could hurt them?
Where does the truth end?
Where do the lies begin?

Mpoly

2006-08-25T23:32:00.000+01:00

I'm in no mood to do this
But I gotta
Gonna show off my rhythm
I'm no better.
Gonna break y'all fife and drum
Til theres no more battle
Hate me
And I'll cause a hassell.
So cmon down to the house
Where monopolys all set out
we got izzie cheating
and bob boasting bout.
'I'm the hat everytime'
Serena the jail-burd
lauren on msn
and Rob thinking its a durd.
All the milks going
Bob's favouritism glass
chester puffing and panting
Nick being pain in arse.
Gift to remember
everytime Bob wins
Cheating doesn't work
just makes you skint.
Phoning up just to use my mpoly
playing for five hours worth
comon use, only you guys
just dont ruin the turf.

peace

Severance

2006-08-25T23:14:00.000+01:00

Now, I'm not one for promoting horror films...but what-a-film. Definitly a must see, but definitly a must see-with someone else who is brave enough to watch all the horrible bits and tell you when and when not to look...and be honest. Thanks Rob!

Although there are gory bits, and just plain sick moments...it's still an awesome storyline. And the music is genious! Pure genious! Whoever thought of having funny music played in a scary movie, instead of having tension-building dramatic music?! Just made it even better.

For me personally, the gory bits were unbareable, but having my eyes closed - pitch black - hearing the sound effects - think it just wound me up even more!

'it dumps seven penpushers from an international weapons manufacturer in a Hungarian forest for a team-building exercise that rapidly goes dangerously pear-shaped.'

Lauren's favourite: tbc in comment
Rob's favourite: Steve (Danny Dyer)

My Favourite Character: Gordon (Andy Nyman)

So overall a darn good, hilarious, sick, genious film.

Dare you to move....go on...I dare ya...

2006-08-24T22:21:00.000+01:00

It's times like these I wish God would just open up the plan he has for me. Just lay it all out, direct me, so I know exactly where to go, my point in life, and where and when to get ready to meet him.

But I guess these earthly knocks we get, open up our eyes to the beauty of God. One song really helped me today. Dare you to move by Switchfoot. It can mean so much in different situations. But for me, it meant 'Get off your butt lazyass, stop feelings sorry for yourself and do something! Be greatful you ungreatful...erm...pooface. geez!' Thanks Jon Foreman and God!

Ive actually done alot today...and even though I feel like my legs are gonna break off, my backs got eternal bruises and my eyes are having to be pinned back with washing line pegs...I feel greeeeat! I have actually done alot today! Saweeeeet! Go Hat...itsha birthday...we're gonna partay like itsha birthday!

So yeah, I was at a funeral today...but it was an awesome funeral. Christian guy. A celebration of him moving up in the world...to eternal life. Lucky guy! His little son made a contribution and brought a song called One Way (Kid's Version) and me, Ben and Brett were sitting at the back while this was being played. And all we could do was smile and sing along...kinda under our breath...didn't wanna be disrespectful...but it was just such an awesome song for his eight year old son to have made as a contribution!

Made me see how much impact at a young age you can make. Working with children recently has really made me think more about job stuff. I've always absolutely loved working, helping or playing with little kids. They're just so full of life (and you can act like a little kid too and not have people think you're immature...psssh...too much pressure in this generation...when I was your age...) but it's been totally awesome. Actually made me consider what teaching at primary school would be like. Or some kind of work within children. mmm...I shall have to look it up i think.

But that is probably the only thing I can think of as a career at the moment...apart from electronic stuff...but I'm a girl...so I doubt I'd get paid much. but yup...possible career move.

shuuuuuun.

Wow.

2006-08-19T15:17:00.000+01:00

Wow.

http://www.gorillamask.net/flashsaladfingers.shtml

Hat?!...that's not a name...IT IS!

2006-08-19T14:43:00.000+01:00

I didn't get many pictures of the kids club. I'll definitly get more at h club...just didn't really have the opportunity this week. The kids always want your full attention. Which is actually pretty cool.

Even just walking after them then they think you're chasing them. I'm cool with that!

Cheesy little smiles. awww cute! On the left is Andrew...Izzie and Rob's favourite! Way too brainy!! He was telling me what makes a otoscope. I was in awe! A 3 year old telling me all this! crazy!

Had a bouncy castle in doors aswell which was pretty phat. Cept when me, Rob and Rob were on it with 3 other kids, they ran off crying to their mum. All Rob's fault. tsch tsch!

Also, had arts and crafts. The first day is was making people. And so guess what Rob and Iz made?...

ah well...just gotta wait for h club now. Which is gonna be oh so very sweet! yaya!

It's made me realise how much I actually love kids. And in all honesty, wouldn't mind working with them as a career. Still kinda wish I helped with megamix on sundays, but it took up way too much time.

Spesh.

3's to 5's are go!

2006-08-13T19:15:00.000+01:00

So after last week I'm pretty syked bout working with children 3-5's. Should be sweet, oh so very sweet!

Here's my lil' contribution to Newday then people are talking bout:

okay, so one person...but I kno y'all will when you get yo ass's back to blogging! Cmon gu-ys!

Yes, So Newday was rather life changing for me in all honesty.

Woah! Not all honesty MissHarwood! We can't have people knowing your inner true deep secrets! Like y'kno...who...

HEY! Oi. Stop...Ah Shut-a your Face-a you stupid blog-a! You know nothing.

Anyway, as I was saying Newday. Was pretty hawt. Alot of good came out of it from my prospective! Like...

Meeting up with my friend Jonnay! Woot woot! Although we're both kicking ourselves now realising that we barely spent anytime with each other. Typical!

Although he nearly suffocated me with his pillow, and nicked my flip flop, he was still pretty cool. And this guy is absolutely hilarious! Cheers to you Jonnay! x

But also, just hanging out with friends day, night, night day, day, night, night, day was pretty phat too! The coach ride, the conversations, the song writing, the chilling, the stuff mates do.

Getting the only 3 Switchfoot cd's i don't have for only £15 was pretty awesome...and also a great book that im enjoying reading too!

But Newday was no doubt a life changer for me. 'Always look on the brightside of life'. I know I'm quite a churpy one anyway, but God's changed me. Radical duuhhhuuuuude!

So yeah, even though everyones expecting to be thrown up over by these kids this week...im expecting opportunities, fun, laughs and trials. wooo, go trials! you rawk!

Although, today has made me realise, and a convo with Jonnay, how much im missing Newday now. We'd be outside all the time, so we'd have to be doing something, not sitting on the computer, blogging, watching tv. Wouldn't have to worry what to do, who's house to go to, how to get there, it would just be a 1 mini-second walk to the Marquee to see everyone. Everyone wrapped up in the hoodies all blurry-eyed, no morning people would be hilarious - yes that includes me! you suck Rose. :)

But yeah, Bring it on world!

Oh, and if you haven't realised...by me doing this throughout the post...

bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Newday bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

...I want you to check out the Newday website! Do it Do it Do it!

Don't belong

2006-07-29T22:25:00.000+01:00

As I sit with my hand is yours, my heart is writing dreams.
All these dreams you don't know about.
But when I go to bed, I'm thinking about seeing your face that 10 minutes ago.
Saying goodnight to you.
I'm thinking about whether those dreams will come true with you.
Or with someone else.

Seeing your smile everday makes me smile.
Knowing about you makes me happy inside.
I've fallen for you.
But I don't know you at all.
Only little bits of you
And I'm already in love with you.

In my dreams you're with me.
Once again.
Dreams won't last forever but will you keep making more with me?
Will you keep your promises?
That you've already made?
I miss you already.
Can't wait to see you next.

Just a day
Just an ordinary day
Trying to get by
Just a boy
Just an ordinary boy
But he was looking the sky

Twilight

2006-07-29T15:24:00.001+01:00

I was stained, with a role, in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
And I always knew, what was right I just didn't know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight

Never cared never wanted
Never sought to see what flaunted
So on purpose so in my face Couldn't see beyond my own place
And it was so easy not to behold what I could hold
But you taught me I could change Whatever came within these shallow days

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen

As the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead and
I didn't know that I could be so blind to all that is so real
But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight

I was stained, by a role, in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
And I always knew, what was right
I just didn't know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight...

434

2006-07-23T16:32:00.000+01:00

What an awesome day I've had.
Church was awesome today, heard such awesome words and the worship was just incredible. It didn't matter that the Bomb was only acoustic...God still met.

Words that were brought were real encouraging for me. About giving your all and making yourself available for God. I need to do that. Alex said we need to get rid of stuff thats in our life that is mucking us up. And that confirmed something for me. It's tough, but I gotta get rid of stuff. So that's what i've been doing this afternoon. Sorting out stuff.

But searching the web while I've been bored, I looked on the kch website and there was a link for SRT (as there normally is) but I clicked on it to see for any updates. And seeing all the stuff it said about Horsham on there was incredible! I didn't know we'd made such an impact! Check it out here! We're famous!

But it made me realise how much God is actually using us, even though this seems like nothing...it's making a huge impact on the rest of the word!

Today, Rose gave the giving talk, and she touched me and I just hope she'd touched others. Even though she'd read it to me last night while panicking, she delivered her prospective and thoughts and gave something to us all. Thanks Rose!

I'm moving on from the old
Turning to the new
Waiting for you to reveal your plans
To let me see through

I'm leaning on you now
Giving you my all
Letting go of everything
Making myself available

Letting go of everything
Making myself available

Sweet child of mine

2006-07-20T11:34:00.000+01:00

I wonder how long I'll keep this sweet child of mine going. How long will I keep craddling it and feeding it and burping it.
hmmm as my imvu character says.

Y'all keep looking at this, and I know - my lovely weekly summary membership for this baby rules!!
I don't have much to say anymore. Except stating the fact that I don't have much to say anymore.

So my summers been pretty juicy so far. Haven't done much, awesome. One weird thing is...I haven't been getting up real late like I thought I would've. I've been trynna beat Ben's max of 1pm. But I wake up at 9ish...and then I just can't lie in my bed in all this heat. IT BURNS!

But the weather has been awesome for sunbathing and beaching and swimming and chilling and pretty much everythinging we don't normally get to do in the winter. stupid winter.

So allround it's been pretty sweet hanging out with my two good friends Lauren and Jonny pratically everyday of the holidays. But what's even more fun. Is filming with them. :) Wish I had some pictures to put on here of mine and Lauren's classy outfits...but my little prettys, you shall have to wait!

So everyone head over to Nick's and bug him senseless about blogging again. And tell him what a silly boy he is for getting his haircut. You look too young now my darling!

Peace out. Sham.

Dya remember...

2006-07-13T12:55:00.000+01:00

Dya remember...:
...when we were so close we could tell when each other was lying?
...when we'd be with each other 24/7?
...watching The Lion King while on the phone together and sing along?
...when we walked from school to yours and pretended we were french?
...when we made loads of clubs up, and we were the only members?
...when we'd stay up til 4am playing Flip out?
...when you ate that sickening sandwich on your birthday?
...when my tongue got stuck to those gross lollies?
...when we did a make-over on each other...as clowns?
...when we were 'the geeks' at school?
...the ghost-horse?
...how much I worry about you? Zooggy.

Dya remember...:
...one fight we've had? I don't.
...when we'd play tils constantly?
...when we'd have that sleepover chart to see who's turn it was?
...when we we're good friends with him?
...the cup choosing?
...all the shopping we'd do?
...when I borrowed your sister's pj trousers and I put them on backwards, but we couldn't find the front?
...the booklet questions we'd make for each other?
...when I went to your camp, and I had so much fun with you?
...how much I miss you

Dya remember...:
...us breaking the rules, and totally regretting it?
...the memories we had, but are now forgotten?
...how young we were?
...our awesome group?
...the trip up to CCK?
...it was us who made up the 'attitude band'?
...when I totally embarrased myself by spilling my drink?
...how much you meant to me?

Dya remember...:
...'pass me the book...I love you too!'?
...'I put it in the bin...I thought you might.'?
...our hiccups?
...'hat hat hat hathathathathahahahahaha'?
...trying to wake me up for work?
...'wheel me darling, wheel me?'
...me ignoring u on the train?
...you're black.?
...how totally inspiring you are?

Dya remember...:
...Christina Agulegra?
...permament?
...the first DalesDown ever?
...yaw awesome nan?
...when we played monopoly for hours on end?
...that you're my little sister in my eyes?

Dya remember...:
...'dya remember'?!
...our first walk, with the pub umbrella?
...when you dressed up as a cowgirl and me as a *something that I can't remember*?
...the times we'd phone each other just for comfort?
...getting drunk on orange juice?
...the tornado club?
...when we were insepereable?
...when we cooked and someone got butter on the cupboard door?!
...the blue t-shirt guy?!
...how weak I am, but how strong you are?
...the dances we did, and thankfully some that people didn't see?!
...the woman in wilko's when you said that thing?
...how much you amaze me with your beauty?

Dya remember...:
...splitting me and *name* up because I asked you to on the mini-bus?
...sitting on that bench and our bums getting absolutely frozen?
...teaching me bout the stars, but having no luck because I had no glasses on?!
...fighting for the front seat of *name*'s car and that one time you gave up?
...watching Salad Fingers round yours with *name* and *name*?
...going to the cinema with you and a group of people?
...being so tired we didn't say goodnight, but it didn't matter?
...walking home?
...always praying for my back?
...the old man 'lost' outside the h club?!
...'we may be a blonde family, but we're not that blonde!' *silence*?
...being excited about the same stuff?
...being so innocent?
...having a weak bladder every night?
...?

Dya remember...:
...when we started singing at the same time?
...in America when we both said we hated each other?
...when we'd slide down the stairs in the washing basket?
...we'd be totally crazy?
...when we all dived for Chester instead of the chocolates?
...your Cowfold dance?
...your chav look?!
...the hoover?
...wrestling?
...playing football, and I'd win against you?!
...Molly eating our ears?
...the car/tool shop?
...my laugh when we put the hat on Chester?
...the dances we made up to Chilis?
...we're too cool for school?

Dya remember...:
...the video of *name*'s and *name*'s party?
...the hour?
...'All the creatures, on the beaches, Making waves in the motion pictures'?
...'they're in love'?
...that I can wake you up...veeeeeeeery easily?!
...S***********...L********** :D
...when we lost one of your dogs?
...swingball and couldn't stop laughing?
...walking to the shop, and you just couldn't win?
...you dancing to 21st Century?
...keeping Chester and *name* away and just being dragged along the ground?
...the shopping you helped me with?
...that you're too awesome to put into words?

Happy Birthday Rosie and Jack!
Love you guys heaps
xxxxxxxxxx

The Prom

2006-07-02T22:48:00.000+01:00

Here's the pictures if you wanna see. Click Here.

It was a totally awesome night. Realised how much I love my friends and care bout them! And would be nowhere without them!

Love every single one of you.
xxx

She's broken

2006-06-27T20:52:00.000+01:00

She's broken.
Doesn't move.
It hurts too much.
Confusion is nothing new to her.
It's been too long.
But she still remembers.
Everything.
She tries.
But she sees no point.

She thinks he still cares.
But she knows she's wrong.
She gains hope.
Constantly.
But it's all false.
She's come to truth.
But it still hurts.

Darkness has turned to grey.
Watching through windows.
She's wondering if he's okay.
Soft music is all her heart can say.
She's floating down a river.
And marvles at the stars.
Feels her heart over-flow.

There's a place.
Staying up all night.
But now.
She's on her own.
Watching the sun set.
To the stars.
Wondering.
Praying.
Crying.
Reminiscing.

Wispering.
If I could find you now.
Things would get better.
Talking to the stars.
Her home.
Her only comfort.
Her awe.

She's his fool.
She gave her all.
But was abused.
Touched softly.
Then stop.

She asks why it is this way.
That's ever her only question.
Why?
Why can't I move.
Why can't I feel.
Why can't I be honest.
Why am I ignored.
Why is my life like this.
Why?

She just wants someone.
Like him.
But knows no-one.
Will ever match.
She couldn't sleep.
Thoughts of them together.
Her life is so much harder.
She wishes on stars.
For him to change.

She can't deny her feelings.
She can't hide them.
So she hides herself.
She still looks to him.
In all she does.
It's been years.
But she knows.
It's still true.

All the photos.
All the videos.
All the songs.
All the poems.
All their memories.
Destroyed.
By one man.

All her life.
Destroyed by one man.

Oooooh yeah, They are in love

2006-06-21T23:23:00.000+01:00

Me and Nick wrote a song tonight and we want to share it!

They were walking through the park
Hand in hand
Walking through the park
Heart in heart
Walking through the park
Dream in dream

Nothing needn't be said
They are truely in love

There they are
Happy as can be
No-one else in the world
Cept those two care-free

There they were lying in the stars
Arm in arm
Lying in the stars
Sight in sight
Lying in the stars
Love in love

Nothing needn't be said
They are truely in love

There they are
Happy as can be
No-one else in the world
Cept those two care-free

Ooooooooooooh yeah, they are in love (repeat)

Love ya lil' bro!

Hardest things in life

2006-06-17T14:04:00.000+01:00

One thing I've been struggling with recently is my looks. It's been such a pressure at this moment in life - seems like it's something compulsory in teen years. Why is it?

I have been talking to very few people about this problem...as it's a real inner self harming issue for me. So this is a huuuuuuuge step to blog about, but I know theres others out there deep down hurting and maybe even hating themselves. So to help you, I'm having to open up my entire heart to the voices of people I do not know. - Which is actually a scary thought. But this is what one friend said, that I had to think about...

Drives me nuts when beauties as you or her have such a low self esteem
but that's what some people say to me, and it 's somehow difficult to believe, probably because Satan knows how dangerous we become if we know how good , beautiful we are. So he does everything to keep us low. So we don't stand tall in some situations. We just have to pray against these seeds in our minds.
You are Jesus Sister!! - God bless my friendxx

What no sane individual would consider to be beautiful has become our worlds desires. Many men and women cannot even sit down because of the immense pain they have from what their buttocks used to be. However, due to the lifestyles and cultures of today, many men and women are still persuing this lifestyle of living their life trying to be thinner and thinner everyday, loosing more and more weight and trying to persure 'beauty'.

A living skeleton.

An anorexic person has a distorted perception of what his/her body actually looks like. He/she may lose a little weight from a normal diet, gain positive attention from people around him/her, and then become obsessed with losing more and more weight. But no matter how thin he/she gets, he/she still sees his/her body as unacceptable and unattractive.

I did some research on the web and got two stories that I want y'all to read.

I had to do a Drama portfolio on eating disorders. And it was not the nicest project I've had over the years. But it did open up my eyes and make me more sensitive.

Being in an all girls school, of course rumours go round. Not huge ones, but still, you learn alot about people and insecurities and the pressure of life. I'd think it was crazy for the beautiful, popular and awesome girls to think less of themselves. For them to think they're were 'too fat' or 'too ugly'. Everyone would have a 'perfect' girl that was walking around those corridors and would try to be like that girl. Have the same hair styles, have the same curves, the same body weight. It's an impossible concept to acquire.

As I said before, I struggled with my looks...and I still do, but I've overcome my 'insecurities' more now. I've been reading a book recently by Joyce Meyers called Battle Of The Mind. When I first got this book, I thought This can't help me change my mind, and stop certain thoughts and beat the battle. But I was totally wrong. It has. It's an amazing book and I really recommend it.

But anyway, back to my point. Anorexia is really not needed. You're beautiful in your own way. And if someone can't see that, then what does it matter about then anyway? I know I'm not living for other people. Why should I be pleasing them with my looks? Yeah it's nice to look nice, but to hate yourself because of them? Who are you living for?

I haven't been anorexic or bulimic, but I have had strong thoughts about these. But I've been to scared to hurt myself in anyway. I've opened myself up to the whole wide world, and so I just wanna encourage anyone who wants help. To email me or something. Even anonymously if I know you and you don't wanna own up. Please. I don't wanna have the thought of people thinking any less of themselves when you're all beautiful people. Female and Male.

You're more than your body.

Grow!

2006-06-06T22:26:00.000+01:00

Instead of revising today, I was looking through myspace and all the nobs and stones you can have for yo profile and I came across this little thing:

and it made me think it's so true.

Yeah this is gonna be a cheesy post. Cmon...hit me with your best insults anonymous!

But yeah, quite a bit of stuff recently has got me thinking, and deeply. About my life. Ever since MayCamp I've been thinking more about every decision I make. Even little stuff like should I bye dinner out...or save my money and put it towards my car fund? What's happened to me?!?!

I've grown I guess. And I'm glad I have. I still am. I've got such a long way to go yet. I'm still his little daughter that cries sitting in his arms, that still stumbles when taking first steps when reading his word. He's still touching me day by day. And I'm loving it.

I'm growing. ... I'm growing.

No matter whats going on in your life...whether it's work, friends, relationships, exams, deaths, failure...make the best of it. Learn from mistakes, take hold of how precious life is, Give it your all, don't get caught up in 'lust' when you think it's 'love', strengthen one another...we don't have long, achieve your highest. Grow and learn from every experience possible.

All I can say is...
No matter whats happening, give everything your all. Things in this world won't last long at all. I can promise you that. Someone was once doing a talk in our youth meeting and he said that to God 1 day is 1000 years. - 2 Peter

Its just another day
Ive seen it all before
But today i wont take it for granted anymore
Its nothing new But im seeing clearly now
From a different view

Suprise, Suprise its right before my eyes
Sunrise, Sunrise it makes me feel alive

2006-06-05T12:23:00.000+01:00

Stupid elephant.

What I want

2006-06-03T22:22:00.000+01:00

There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

What I want.

Day ahead of you Lauren!

2006-05-23T19:23:00.000+01:00

Lauren oh Lauren
You're nothing but a funny
You may be clumsy and stupid
But I love ya cuz you give me money!

Alicia oh Alicia
We didn't know that one
But what we do know is
that you're a heck a lot of fun!

Parry oh Parry
You carry on that name
Until you get married, let's just hope
That your husband is opposite to you - sane!

Well this is Lauren y'all...
She's crazy...but I love her heaps! We've had some funny times, some bad times, some awesome times, some sad times, some hysterical times, some crazy times, some momentry times, some random times, some confusing times, some ... I think you get the picture!

I'll tell ya a little story bout how me and Lauren met (Well, How I remember it!)
She came round one time when we were YOUNG...and I mean young...probably a bit younger than this age...

So anyway...me and Lauren were writing christmas cards to people - With my best christmas children's note paper may I add!...on my red table and chairs...
And Lauren wrote a christmas card...and showed it to me...with an envelope to open and all the trimmings. I was so discusted with what it said inside...it said this...

Dear Lauren

Merry Christmas

Love Lauren
xx

I was so unbelievably angry at her...that I wouldn't let her write anymore Christmas cards, and as soon as she left...I ran upstairs and ripped the card up in the toilet and flushed it away...then went and cried my eyes out!

Now we argue for other stuff...possibly stupid...but not as stupid as that whole Christmas card dealio back a few years!

But Lauren's brought me through some hard times...and still is. I know I can always go to her for a shoulder to cry on, someone to get me thinking about something else - but confuse me at the same time, someone to just chill with, someone to go for money (:P). But nah seriously, Lauren...there's only one you in the world, and I'm so lucky to have ya hun. You're awesome and you're a real blessing to me.

You're doing great with your flute in church hun and you're a real inspiration.

Just incase I'm ever snobbing you again...y'kno that I love ya.

You're in my prayers.

Ace ya exams girl!

xx
Oh, and for the rest of y'all...if your eyes aren't all teary eyed from this heart touching post...check out Lauren's blog. Just click here...no here...not that one!...HERE!

Mrs Original

2006-05-18T23:12:00.000+01:00

I've been thinking about myself recently. A lot. How different and unique I am. And each time I think about it...I get deeper and deeper in awe of how undescribably different I am to everyone else.

Sure there are gonna be things that I do or feel the same as other people...but there's no other Hat. There's no other me in this world. Wanna know some things that make me me?

I love sitting watching comedies with my dad late at night. Like; Lee Evans, or the Two Ronnies, My hero, My Family.
I love listening to cheesy old love songs. Like; Raindrops Keep falling on my head - B.J Thomas, Will you still love me tomorrow - The Shirelles
I love awesome scenery. Like; Sunsets, Sunrise's, Stars, Fireworks.
When I'm down or upset, the thing that makes me better...is making someone else feel better.
I love just sitting in silence and people watching.
I love taking pictures of family, friends and other things that just make me smile.
I love being happy and being myself with Ben and Nicola.
I love the fact that my family are too scared to ask whats up when I'm upset.
I love the fact that I get comfort from my dog snooring under my feet.
I love it how a cup of tea calms me down.
I love how I cry at stupid programs like Neighbours, Friends, Hollyoaks, Scrubs and movies.
I love the way my hair is never perfect.
I love my taste in music.
I love how I have so much faith in everything and everyone...but not in myself.
I love how my face tans in one day, but my body is as white as a white magnum.
I love how I have such a passion for you.
I love how my voice changes...from good to crap.
I love how I can laugh at myself along with friends and family.
I love that I'm me...and I don't have to be anyone else.

'You're born an original, Don't die a copy.'
John L. Mason

Love to all me homies

2006-05-18T08:16:00.000+01:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

This is our chance

2006-05-17T16:04:00.000+01:00

Open up your arms
Let me see your light
Guide me through the forest
Of my daunting life.
Tomorrow is another day
Giving me the chance to seek you
So as I sing this song
Bring me to your throne.

This is our chance to surrender
To give our all
This is our chance to surrender
To see it through

We can only suceed
With your strength
So walk with us daily
And sit with us as we pray
We don't know where our path goes
Where our tracks lead us
Where our road wonders
But you've promised to show us the way

This is our chance to surrender
To give our all
This is our chance to surrender
To see it through

Rosie Posie Nana Head

2006-05-17T10:32:00.000+01:00

Discovering that no-one reads this ol' thing, instead of stopping...I'm gonna carry on! Cmon life...throw ya best at me...you just watch and see, i'll bat it right back at ya!

So things are starting to look up. Gotta job lined up for the summer, finished school, got exams coming, God stuff's awesome, I'm just happy...except when I'm not.

Someone who has really encouraged me is my friend Rosie. We haven't been that close for a while, but she's still awesome. A couple of months ago, she asked me if she could come to church...she wanted to know more...and I was shocked cuz I hadn't really been salt and light, or told her much about church...only all the gossip probably!!! And so she came along to youth one night...and enjoyed it. She chatted to people she'd never met real well and she just had fun. She came along to church the next week...she had to get there for 9am with Andy (an hour and a half before church actually starts) and she started to help set up the bomb! No questions asked! The next sunday...she gave her life to christ! And I was a bit gutted to miss it (shouldn't be singing in the main I knew it!!!!!) but she gave her life. And she's so involved, she's having fun and she's making new friends! It's been such an encouragment to me...so thank you Rose...you're awesome. xx Blim!

Cream Jelly and pie is the way to say goodbye

2006-05-14T23:27:00.000+01:00

So, I never thought I'd be posting this kind of post...and I do feel the guilt wrapping itself upon me.

I could be giving up blogging.

Random Person 1: No! Did she really say that? :O

Random Person 2: Oh my gosh! I think she did...what has the world come to?

Random Person 1: I'm in such a state of shock, I'm just gonna have to keep reading that sentence over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until my brain decides to process the words so that it makes gramatical sense in my central sulcus.
Random Person 2: *silence* ... yes well, erm...wait...I've found a flaw in her sentence...'I Could be giving up blogging.' - HA! She's doing it just to scare us!

Missharwood: and my explanation of that would be...I'm not bored or fed up of blogging, but I'm just always doing stuff and I'm always busy so I have no time. And when I do have time...It just ends up of a boredom post like this...so...posts could be slow, comments on other blogs could be slow. And I just feel blogging and reading other blogs just doesn't do much for me. I'm still around, but if you wanna know where my heads at, see how I'm doing and any of that cream jelly, then just email me y'all...you know what to do at the end of the beep.

His song to you.

2006-05-08T22:22:00.000+01:00

You never dissappointed me
Sweet little child.
You never hurt me
Precious son of mine.
You never wronged me
My little brother.

You did what you and I agreed was best.
We talked about it together.
Focused our hearts on the future.
And I made you strong.
Keep coming to me.
Don't run away.
Run to me.

You never shamed me
My beautiful daughter.
You never shocked me
My loving friend.
You never wronged me
My little sister.

You did what you and I agreed was best.
We talked about it together.
Focused our hearts on the future.
And I made you strong.
Keep coming to me.
Don't run away.
Run to me.

I smile at you everyday.
When you wake up, I shine the sun on your glorious day.
I walk with you everyday.
Through your toughest decisions you've made.
I speak to you everday.
Through the most unexpected ways.

You did what you and I agreed was best.
We talked about it together.
Focused our hearts on the future.
And I made you strong.
Keep coming to me.
Don't run away.
Run to me.

xx

You heard my cry

2006-05-04T22:26:00.000+01:00

I felt unsafe, even though I was with the safest people.

In and out, in and out.

Was this the end? - I was thinking.

I wanted someone to hold me, and they were.

But too tight, they had too much control over me.

I wanted out, breath after breath.

I couldn't stop, wirling and swirling.

I was helpless, they cagged round me.

Theres was no way out, dragging me every way.

Left, right, back, forward, down, under.

I was trapped, being bullied almost.

They stood there, laughing, pointing.

Thinking I was having fun, but inside I was crying out for your hand.

And you helped me, thank you.

You took away my fear, pulled me out the trap.

Held me in your arms, and took me to safety.

You heard my cry.

Nicky Nick Nick

2006-05-03T18:59:00.000+01:00

Hello Master Jackson
Welcome to MissHarwoods blog

Hello, Thankyou very much

No worries
So...tell us a little about yourself...eye colour, hair colour, height (ha!)

Well, I have brown eyes, strange colour hair, and a little on the small side of life

Sounds like all the good features then

Yeah right

...aye girls? *wink*

Maybe

Okay....so...age if possible

Well I am 14
I think?

A little on the young side perhaps?

Maybe

Round one: General Questions...
Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?

MMM thats a trickey one considering I can't remember the landline I would have to go with skype and that would be you

Oh really...wow...you're such a lucky person Nick
You're one of the few people allowed to talk to Miss Harwood on skype

Really, I really am privileged

So, lets plunge right in here shall we?...
Wheres your head at with girls?
Or...some other parts...
No we won't go there!

Just the right height

Just stick with your head!

Line of si...

YES! AHEM......erm...anyhoo...
Whats up with you and girls?
You seem to be a favourite

Well...
Where should I start
Year 2 or year 7?

Well...What ever is the most interesting

That would be year 2 but year 7 is ok
Well, a girl called lauren can't seem to get over me
From a year 7 relationship which was 2 years ago now

And why is that do you think? Because of your height?

Mmmmmm, What a question I dont even know what it means

Ok, We shall steer the bike away from that one then
Who are your three favourite people at the moment then?

Hat, Jonny, Serena

Awww...such a good group of swimmers we are too!

Yeah we are
Its a shame we don't go more often

Haha....tis...tis such a shame!
And favourite band please Mr J?

Fav band, that would be Hillsong united

Ah...such good taste
Give us a juicy piece of information for the readers to be pondering over for days...

The chances of winning the lottery are...
...Seeing Elvis Presley alive....Seeing Elvis Presley on a red london double decker bus...Seeing Elvis Presley on a red london double decker bus on the moon.

Ok...
Use 3 words to describe yourself?

Strong faith
Kind
Okay scence of humour

Thats a taaaaaaaad more than 3 words...but you're small...so we'll give you that

Oi

I've heard some rumours about you liking a certain girl from Kch...your age i hear...
Care to give the deets?
I wouldn't worry...It's not like anyone reads this ol' thing
No details at all available?

I think you may be suprised, your blog link is at the bottom of every email you send

What...dya mean this?...
Finished readin? Why dontcha shimmey on down to my blog www.missharwood.blogspot.com
No details available at all?

Mmmmm, tricky 1

Are you not just burtsting to reveal all your love and hope for you and her...

*silence*

Okay...Just give us a little bit of detail to keep us guessing

Not so much that it spreads in rumours
Well for starters read my blog

Okay

I know....mmmmmm. *Nick J goes offline*

What the?
Oh, okay...
He is obviously too much in love to share his secret
So until another time ladies and gents
Peace out
SUP

Don't wanna stay inside

2006-05-02T09:50:00.000+01:00

And may had arrived. Let's all welcome it...*round of applause* wooohooo *women screaming ahhhh, i want your babies may!* erm...okay *group of teen girls ahhhh, we love you may we...* woah! okay...let's leave that one alone!

Yeah, so anyhoo...May's back for another time in my life! woohoo! It'll be the 15/16th one...can't quite work it out. Let's try...I'm 15 now - but my birthday is in may, (my 16th of course...and no, not my 21st im afraid!)...but it's at the end. So yup, I'm totally confused as to whether it's my 15th or 16th of MAY. Someone tell me! Give me sanity may!

Exams start in 20 days now. Well, technically they start in 4 hours, 26 minutes and 15 seconds. But it's just an oral...and no-one really cares about them. (Except me) - but I'm not important when it comes to this blog.

Lets go some count downs (I actually just put 'count days')...

Study Leave starts in 9 days, 6 hours, 38 minutes and 48 seconds. Yussss! Actually...Why am I saying 'QUOTE: Yussss!'? I don't wanna leave! I know I won't have much motivation to revise and I prefer learning stuff when teachers teach me! Not when I teach me! Flip...I can't even tell the time! How am I gonna cope?!

And then theres my favourite: Let's Go. Which starts in 11 days, 5 minutes and 30 seconds. Now that I can say 'QUOTE: Yussss!' to! woot woot

May Camp Count Down...Which I'm gonna call the MC Count Down. 23 days, 14 hours, 27 minutes, 43 seconds. minus about 1 hour to put the tent up...yeah, you got it Iz...6 man all to us! rock on!

And then last but not least my birthday. I wouldn't normally count this down...as I'm not as sad as someone I'm not going to mention...

Count down: 28 days, 14 hours, 25 minutes and 50 seconds.

So y'all leave ya love as I love y'all peace.

Just incase you didn't get it...here's my may tribute

May
Oh what a beautiful summers day
When we all turn gay
Oh no wait, thats the hay!

May
From little miss tray
Just show your friend fay
The way...

May
No its not june
And no its not a prune
Its just beautiful May.

May...
May...
May...

SUP.

How much do I let the fear take the wheel and steer?

2006-04-30T22:59:00.000+01:00

I thought I was doing okay. I feel like I am at points in my life. But things grab my attention. Deep conversations, and it's no good for me. I become weak once again. Break down and call for my daddy. And he hears me. Comforts me, and tells me to be patient...and I try, but it's just so hard.

Am I suppose to hurt like this with little stories? That not even I've made up? All these possibilites, but it's not the best thing. And I know it, but I long for them to be true. Is it a good idea to think of that? I'm going to have to somewhen. Why not get all the pain started now and have it out of the way?

I'm just so impatient when it comes down to it. I want everything right here, right now. But I know that it will be worth the wait. Through my trials and tribulations...only you can make it worth it.

He's promised me you and I can't wait to meet you. I wanna live out my dreams with you. I wanna build a life with you. And I get the chance to! And no-one else does. I'm so lucky.

All I have to say, is I want you now, but I know that I will meet you when I need you.

xx

Mustion

2006-04-22T18:22:00.000+01:00

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.
Post on your blog.

Will I get far in life?
Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye

How do my friends see me?
Take It All - Hillsong United

Where will I get married?
New Skin - Incubus

What is my best friend’s theme song?
Beautiful One - Tim Hughes

What is the story of my life?
A Green Desire - Dead Poetic

What was high school like?
Mindfight - Toby Cooke

How can I get ahead in life?
If You Want Love - Black Eyed Peas

What is the best thing about me?
When The Tears Fall - Tim Hughes

How is today going to be?
Beauty Of Your Peace - Tim Hughes

What is in store for this weekend?
Innocence Again - Switchfoot

What song describes my parents?
Wade In The Water - Mary Mary

My grandparents?
Make Me More Like Jesus - Dwell

How is my life going?
Sovereign Hands - Hillsong United

What song will they play at my funeral?
Tru Dog - Toby Mac

How does the world see me?
Lonely Nation - Switchfoot

Will I have a happy life?
All Day - Hillsong United

What do my friends really think of me?
Track 15 on a CD someone gave me...but I wasn't given any song names or artists!

Do people secretly lust after me?
Daisy - Switchfoot

How can I make myself happy?
Beautiful Love - The Afters

What should I do with my life?
The Setting Sun - Switchfoot

Will I ever have children?
Somebody Told Me - The Killers

What is some good advice?
Don't Be A Stranger - Dina Carroll

What is my signature dancing song?
Atmosphere - Toby Mac

What do I think my current theme song is?
Midnight Show - The Killers

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Fall On Me - Kat Regester

What type of men/women do you like?
Adding To The Noise - Switchfoot

Should there be more of these around?
Scooby Snacks - Sublime

And that's how it goes.

Don't Know

2006-04-18T18:36:00.000+01:00

You don't know...
That I have a evil laugh when I'm laughing uncontrolably.
How Im completely insecure with myself - even though in God's eyes, I know I'm beautiful.
How much I laugh at myself.

I don't know...
How much to me there is.
Whats up with me recently.
Where to turn next.

They don't know...
What's going on around them.
The truth.
How much I struggle.

She doesn't know...
How beautiful I think she is.
How much of a star she is.
That I think she is so cool.

He doesn't know...
How much I value his friendship.
How much I miss him.
That I smile when I hear is name.

We don't know...
Why everyone turns to the easiest solution.
Where they are at.
How much they know themselves deep down.

Tray Head!

2006-04-18T11:02:00.000+01:00

Ahahaha.

Happy Easter to all.

No Stanley...no...NO!

2006-04-13T22:43:00.000+01:00

It's alright Jamima...It's alright.

I've eaten so much tonight. Dunno how I'm gonna manage going swimming tomorrow. Probably just end up sinking...or floating...hmmm...not sure which one. I think the food's gone to my head...possibly...maybe...no, it can't have...can't of?...can't have...yes, that's correct Sherley.

I was thinking...it must be so cool to be pregnant...you can eat like an elephant - literally - and not get discusted looks. It's not fair! Oh, and of course the whole fact of having someone growing inside of you...having to choose their name and all that bla bla bla...

I've sat here, on this low, broken chair, infront of a VDU with speakers blairing out music for the last 4 ish hours. And I've been bored stiff. Except when talking to people and playing games. But that's no answer.

It's the holidays. It shouldn't be this boring. Or should it? With the amount of revision I should be doing...mmm. I'll come back to that one. (Or maybe not).

Stop biting your nails Missharwood! You're not hungry, dya hear me? not hungry.

Sorry Michaela. :(. *Sits in corner*

Don't even think about doing it while you're in the corner...I see you.

*Starts to cry*

As your punishment, you have to watch a documentary on Demons.

But, I did that last night Michaela.

Oh, okay...no punishment then. You've done your time.

And all because of the nails.

Who is to tell what is actually a song? I've written a couple...and I think, they don't look anything like other songs I know...so it must be crap or not even a song. Maybe I'm a wanna-be song writer. (Aren't we all?) But who is to say what is a song? And if no-one sees my songs or hears them...then all the merrier...then no-one will be able to even tell me yes or no. Good...glad that's sorted.

To go to bed...or stay online is the question.
Or is it?...